BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MAY 5, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Woodward Fecally Implodes on C-SPAN

WASHINGTON, DC — Simon Winchester, the British author of the newly published book, Krakatoa: The Day the World Exploded: August 27, 1883, could not have been more aptly positioned in the C-SPAN studios. He was awaiting his Booknotes interview with Brian Lamb and listening to heralded reporter Bob Woodward discuss his new book, All the President's Laundry, when Winchester and scores of others were bombarded by what the author called "Krakatoa II, the sound of a million toilets flushing and the dissemination of hundreds of what seemed like rocket-propelled small brown objects unleashing the fury of a thousand Shock and Awes into glass windows, ceiling fixtures and TV workers' bodies."

Bob Woodward had fecally imploded.

The "Watercloset' reporter himself was able to continue pontificating during the implosion. The effect on his already halting speech rate was characterized by Winchester. "It took him an hour to say Bush's name, in Woodward's monotonous, sluggish, deferential, yet self-important, style."

Vice President Cheney and the rest of the administration including President Bush were sequestered 18,000 leagues under the White House in their usual bunker and escaped unharmed. Cheney was relieved to learn that several tsunamis had washed to shore in Baltimore the bodies of 700 Muslims from a Skilled Nursing Facility in Qatar. "So much for Jihad," said the Veep. "They're pretty much Jidead."

"The next time I have Woodward on," said C-SPAN director, Brian Lamb, "I'm ordering him up a few gallons of Fleet's Phosphosoda. The man's a public nuisance and I certainly don't want to go through this business of spraying Lysol in the Booknotes studio for 37 hours like we had to do after this go around. Plus I'm not only deaf but also give new meaning to the term "sh*t eating grin.'"

Van Gross, MD

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