BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MAY 5, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Top 10 List for John Kerry's Running Mate
... Full story

US Brings Modern Torture Techniques to Iraqi Prisons
... Full story

Iraq Back in Axis of Evil; US Loses Spot in Axis of Good
... Full story

Bush and Cheney Put on a Puppet Show for 9/11 Commission
... Full story

Bush to Nation: "I'm the Real Chainee -- He's the Chainer"
... Full story

Withdrawal of Dominican Republic Troops Jeopardizes American Effort in Iraq
... Full story

Woodward Fecally Implodes on C-SPAN
... Full story

Mary J. Blige is Having Ed Bradley's Child
... Full story

Queer Eye for Jack Palethorpe
The Fab Five try to give Jack a “makeover”... Full story

Top 10 Things Not to Say on a First Date, by the Wizard of Love
Expert advice from the experienced Wizard... Full story

Save a Virgin
... Full story

Gangsters and Gun Molls: Ralph Nader
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Carl's Letters: There Should be a Constitutional Amendment Against Bonobo Chimps
Instead of fighting, they have sex... Full story

I Came First
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Top 10 Things Not to Say on a First Date, by the Wizard of Love

1. You don't sweat much for a fat girl!

2. Do you have any pictures of your girlfriends?

3. I broke up with my last girlfriend because she wasn't into bondage.

4. I broke up with my last boyfriend because he expected to have sex once a week!

5. Why is it your own farts smell okay to you?

6. Don't you find that bras are too confining?

7. I have Multiple Personality Disorder but try to look at it like double dating.

8. Is that a mole or do you have a Milk Dud stuck to your face?

9. You know, Viagra takes an hour to work. Should I take one now before we eat?

10. In case you were thinking of asking, I did bring a condom.

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