BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JUNE 2, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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After 9-11 in New York and 3-11 in Madrid, Get Ready for 7-11
... Full story

Bush Says "Ongoing Carnage" From WWII Exceeds That From Iraq
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US Olympic Prospects Look Excellent Given US Lead in Doping
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Michael Jackson Gets Ready to Scare Off Molesters in Jail
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Bush Tries to Ride Another Bike
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Attack of the Killer Cicadas
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Kerry Hit by Baseball in Groin
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African Americans and Chinese Americans Begin 'Interchange for Glowth, Y'All'
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Sandra Bullock Cuffs the Wizard of Love
You can ask the Wizard anything... Full story

I Hated Being a Woman: Uma Thurman
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: The Wizard of Idiot
With apologies to The Wizard of Id... Full story

Free Tibet!
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Bush Advisors Plan to Be on Vacation During the Summer Terrorist Attack

Bush Golf

WASHINGTON, DC — Al Qaeda plans to attack the United States in the next few months, top US officials have warned, citing "credible intelligence, namely Ahmed Chalabi."

But Administration officials are going to tough it out and say they will proceed with their planned vacations.

"I am going to visit the Bahamas this summer," said Attorney General John Ashcroft. "I have been planning this trip for a while, and am staying the course. If I do otherwise, the terrorists will win. I will not be flying commercial, however."

"I cannot do anything about terrorism this summer," said Donald Rumsfeld. "I am planning to go to Las Vegas with Dick Cheney. Bush wants me to use the Iraq under-the-table money to decrease the deficit. Face it, we need the money, and gambling was the best way into Iraq, so logically it's the best way out."

The Vice President does not seem concerned about this threat, and is willing to go to Las Vegas (his secret location) for unspecified reasons. However, the casino video we obtained from his earlier visit to Sin City shows Cheney spinning the dice and yelling, "Come on, Dickie needs a new pacemaker."

Condoleezza Rice said, "The President will be campaigning this summer, and will have no time to deal with this threat. We'll have a National Security Council meeting, but it will probably be about attacking Syria."

"If the attack comes in August," said the President, "I'll be at my ranch."


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