BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JULY 7, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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My Nazi Photo Gallery, by George Bush
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Kerry Scores with Edwards: "He's Attractive, He's Hot and I Wanted Him"

hot edwards

BOSTON — John Kerry has ended speculation about his Vice-Presidential running mate by choosing whom he described as "the most attractive and desirable candidate, bar none."

With a vast field of Democrat dynamos to choose from - the smooth fascination of Representative Dick Gephardt, the rock-hard radiance of retired Army General Wesley Clark, the country-boy-in-tight-overalls attractiveness Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack - Kerry said Edwards possessed all the assets necessary to fill out the Democratic ticket.

"He's hot," said Kerry. "I know he's 51, but DAMN! Have seen him? He is one hot-looking piece of meat, lemme tell you. Yeah, I decided I wanted him, and now I've got him."

Kerry initially pursued an inter-party relationship with Republican John McCain, but his advances were rejected by the Arizona Senator, who later said he found the proposition "unnatural".

Edwards is expected to bring added passion to an otherwise frigid campaign, which to date has relied on seedy anti-Bush rhetoric and vague but suggestive innuendo about "good times" if Kerry is elected. After dropping out of the Presidential race earlier this year, Edwards offered flattering endorsement to Kerry.

"John Kerry has what it takes," he said. "Oh, he's got it, alright. I'll do anything to make him the next President of the United States. Anything."

Kerry and Edwards' mutual desire will be officially endorsed at the upcoming Democratic convention in Boston.

"Well, you know the old saying," said Kerry. "What goes on at the convention in the state that's legalized same-sex unions, stays at the convention in the state that's legalized same-sex unions. Oh, yes."

Mark Fisher

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