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Bush to Become a 'Hurricane President'
FORT PIERCE, Florida — "I will shoot the breeze," said George W. Bush. “I am a Hurricane President.”
"We will mobilize the National Guard, my old outfit,” he said, “to open fire on tropical storms and hurricanes. And if we happen to scatter a few University of Miami negro football players who might be thinking of voting for Quaeri, well that's a bonus!"
"Remember Kent State? Nixon used the National Guard to shoot the air. Well, things have a way of coming back. I'm going to be shooting the air too. But I'm not just shooting the air. I'm shooting moving air!"
"Some of those bullets in Kent State landed on long hairs. They still have long hairs in Florida. Jeb has short hair. I have short hair. The National Guard in Jeb's state has short hair. But my air bullets are not going to land on short hairs. They're going to land on long hairs and frizzy hairs!"
The President was asked whether he believed that declaring war on hurricanes will decrease the impact of these freaks of Mother Nature.
"Don't talk to me about getting freaky with Mother Nature, son. I'll have Ashcroft arrest you for violating the marriage laws as fast as you can say ‘Ted Kennedy.’ And as I told the Vice President, who is hiding in some shelter in the Cayman Islands, if along with that evil hurricane it's also ‘raining cats and dogs,’ we'll shoot those damn things too!”
Clinton is Shocked to Learn Where They Got the Veins For His Bypass
