BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes.
www.bongonews.com NOVEMBER 3, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2014 Bongo News, Inc.
   
» back issues

» search site


best of
bongo news

live satire feed
(external links)



Kerry Calls for More Debates, Edwards Sues
... Full story

Osama Intrudes on Weekend Sportscast
... Full story

Why Bruce Springsteen Dumped Kerry and Endorsed Bush
... Full story

With World Series Win, "City of Drunks" Becomes "City of Dead Drunks"
... Full story

Curt Schilling to Undergo New Heroic Surgeries
... Full story

Top 10 Things Canadians Are Doing During the NHL Lockout
... Full story

Paris Hilton Masters Three-Letter Words
... Full story

R. Kelly Hit with Pepper Spray; Jay-Z May Solo
... Full story

Barbie Killed in SUV Rollover
... Full story

Stanley Ruined Casual Friday
... Full story

Secrets of Love : George Bush
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: BC in Alaska
With apologies to BC... Full story

Better Punchline
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid... Full story

"Hobbit" Fossil Found: "They Threw Momma From the Treehouse," says DeVito


DeVito Hobbit
Dannus DeVitus dwarfis carrying a mouse

FLORES, Indonesia — Danny DeVito kissed the ground, for he had bonded with his ancestor. "I have found my great great great great great grandmother," he said. "She was my body double at 2 feet 8 inches and she was trampled to death 84,000 years ago by a pygmy elephant."

DeVito wept visibly at the additional news that his relative could have been a prehistoric actor or performer. Archaeologists discovered at the dig site that some Homo Sapien had stuffed the sheet music to Randy Newman's Short People into her hand just before the elephant stampede on her now fossilized face.

"I did not realize that song was released back then," said the diminutive actor, "but until today, they didn't realize half-pints like me were patrolling around in the dirt. For all I know, Grandma had a walk-on as a Hobbit in some Lord of the Rings play they were performing."

"Another possibility was that they used her as a version of me in a pre-historic Taxi," continued DeVito. "I could just see her screaming at some Andy Kaufman 'Latke' character in a loin cloth, who ends up doing a bowel evisceration on her 24-pound body and throwing her off the lip of the Indonesian Grand Canyon. Those Homo Whateverers were such kidders!"

Story by Van Gross MD. Photo by Mike Pasternack.
ADVERTISEMENT

Read these related stories:

Actors Found to Have No Real Talent (4-Aug-04)

'Stepford Wives' Makeovers: Courtney Love, Daryl Hannah, Christina Aguilera, Tommy Lee, ... (19-May-04)

Freddie vs. Jason Discuss Actors' Equity (3-Sep-03)

Britney Spears Marries Guy from 'Seinfeld' (7-Jan-04)

Separated at Birth: Morticia Addams and Heather Graham (2-Jan-02)

personal ad
of the week




Subscribe to Bongo News


bongo recommends


Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2014 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed


Warning: fopen(cachedpages/1428.html) [function.fopen]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout1.php on line 265

Warning: fwrite(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout1.php on line 266

Warning: fclose(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout1.php on line 267