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DECEMBER 22, 2004

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Protestors Campaign for Homeless Hawks, Ignore Homeless People

Wasserstein arrives home

NEW YORK — The very wrinkled Mary Tyler Moore has joined protestors who want to preserve a hawk's nest on the facade of a luxury Manhattan apartment building facing Central Park. The building management removed the nest after some residents complained that the hawks dropped feces and half-eaten pigeons and rats on the pavement outside the building's front door.

Protesters said the poor hawks are now homeless and they conducted a candle light vigil for their return.

MTM is a resident in the building, as is merger dealmaker, "Bid "˜em Up" Bruce Wasserstein, and sexy on-air talking head, Paula Zahn.

"I like treading in feces and pigeon and rat remains," said MTM. "I my former line of work, I trod in sh*t and dealt with rats and stool pigeons all day."

"I like the symbolism of hawks tearing vulnerable pigeons to shreds," said Wasserstein, another resident who supports the return of the hawks. "People used to call me a shark and a vulture. I'd like to be called a hawk."

Paula Zahn has wisely issued no comment.

No protestors have appeared yet in support of the pigeons or the homeless people living nearby.

Read these related stories:

Naked Women Protest War (12-Feb-03)

Protesters Moon at G8 Summit (3-Jul-02)

PETA Protests Treatment of Chickens in War in Iraq (2-Apr-03)

Dixie Chicks Go Nude to Protest Declining CD Sales (30-Apr-03)

McDonald's Protests Against Globalization and Obese Teenagers (5-Feb-03)

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