BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. DECEMBER 22, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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DePodesdta Trades Away Whole Dodger's Roster

los angeles dodgers
The new Dodgers

LOS ANGELES — Ever since the Dodgers' General Manager, Paul DePodesta, traded away all-star catcher Paul LoDuca, outfielder Juan Encarnarcion, and star relief pitcher Guillermo Mota for Brad Penny of the Florida Marlins, he has been determined to fix his mistake. He did this by trading away the entire Dodgers roster.

ESPN has confirmed that the crazed General Manager has traded Eric Gange, Steve Finley, Cesar Izturis, Shawn Green, Milton Bradley, Jeff Kent and others to New York in exchange for Pitcher Javier Vazquez, who blew a crucial game in the ALCS and has an ERA over four. "I am just glad we got the pitcher this time, after the Randy Johnson deal fell through last time around." said DePodesta. "I think things are really starting to look bright."

Dodger's Manager, Jim Tracy, reacted angrily to the news. "What do you mean DePodesta traded away our whole team? We're going to be worse off than the Pissburgh Pirates and the Kansas Shitty Royals!"

The Dodgers have struggled to make the playoffs for years until last season, and it looked like they had what it took to win it all until DePodesta did these trades. Interviewed about the trades in the Dodger's locker room, DePodesta said, "I like walls," while staring at a brick wall, drooling.

"I did not trade every player," said the General Manager, "I kept Darren Driefort for a few minutes, but then traded him for a local little league team. I did not expect them to ask for more than Driefort, but apparently he was not good enough. We gave them a few single A players, and they eventually accepted the transaction."

"It's a good thing we traded Brad Penny for those minor leaguers. It almost makes the LoDuca trade worth it!" said DePodesta.

Many Dodger fans are fine with the trades, saying that they trust the management to make the best decisions and that they will still root for the team.


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