BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes.
www.bongonews.com DECEMBER 29, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2014 Bongo News, Inc.
   
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Bongo News' Man of the Year for 2004 is SpongeBob SparePants
... Full story

Jean Dicksin's Predictions for 2005
... Full story

Why Santa Was Late on Christmas Night
... Full story

Bush Diary "“ Playing Hyde and Seek; Rummy Visits Troops
... Full story

Al Gorenko Disputes Ballots in Southern Ukraine
... Full story

Bush Ancestor Went AWOL During the Crusades
... Full story

Yoko Ono Appointed Spokesperson for New Chemical Castration Drug
... Full story

Robert Blake's Rice Krispies
... Full story

Church of St. Kitty
... Full story

Bud Selig Announces a New Curse
The curse of the Bambini is lifted, but watch out for... Full story

Robot Fighter: Jay Leno
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Doonesbury Blowjob
With apologies to Doonesbury... Full story

Car Talk
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Best of Bongo News 2004
... Full story

Bongo News' Woman of the Year for 2004 is Paris Hilton


paris hilton dog
Excerpt from her barnyard sex video: a cow nuzzles Paris Hilton

Ten reasons why Paris Hilton is Bongo News Woman of the Year:

1. Her internet sex video!
2. Taught us that, yes, reality television can get worse. Much, much worse!
3. Reached out to red states during a crucial election year with her show, The Simple Life, which led her to rural America in search for key Kerry voters. She then did Toby Keith.
4. Because of her poor night vision, she once blew a fuse, followed by giving it the best screwing of its life.
5. She's not just a gourmet cook in the kitchen and a slut in the bedroom, she's also a slut in the kitchen.
6. She once did it in the chimney with Santa.
7. No, she's never won an Oscar, but an Oscar once won her in a card game.
8. She does one-night stands because she was never good at math.
9. Likes watching A & E because she knows those letters.
10. She rewinds after every video!

Ten reasons why Pamela Anderson might have been Bongo News Woman of the Year:
We could only think of two.

Frank Cassano and KDANTEATER
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Read these related stories:

Bongo News' Women of the Year for 2003 are Pamela Anderson and Liz Hurley (31-Dec-03)

Internet Porn Connoisseurs Find Paris Hilton "Flat" (3-Dec-03)

"The Simple Life" Turns Out to be Complicated (10-Dec-03)

Paris and Nicole Make a Barnyard Sex Video (17-Dec-03)

Paris is Burning (8-Dec-04)

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