BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. DECEMBER 29, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Bud Selig Announces a New Curse

mlb header

30 November 2004

To Whom it Concerns:

Owing to the tremendous efforts of athletes and fans alike, I am pleased to report, that despite all predictions to the contrary, the Boston Red Sox have overcome the infamous curse — the Curse of the Bambino — as it is sometimes called, to become World Champions.

I extend hearty congratulations.

Now for the bad news.

Having read the curse's fine print thoroughly, I discover the following language:

"¦ the professional baseball club known as the Boston Red Sox shall escape the terms of this instrument only in occurrence of the events here following: a) said club must prevail in four (4) straight victories of the World Series without suffering a loss; b) said club must reach game seven of the final contest after losing the first three games of the league/pennant contest; b.1) these three (3) losses and four (4) wins must occur against the Yankees of New York; c) any witness to any previous Red Sox World Series victory must be ruled dead or incompetent; d) all conditions (a,b,c) must occur or be in evidence during a full eclipse of the moon.       (25:6:2:a-d)

Now for the REALLY bad news:

"¦ these terms and conditions having been met, the curse is transferred to the entire Nation (i.e. the United States of America), and to all its states, districts, territories and possessions ["¦] this curse in the person of a crooked Texas politician to be named later.       (25:6:3)

Sorry ;^(

Simeon Namore

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