Owing to the tremendous efforts of athletes and fans alike, I am pleased to report, that despite all predictions to the contrary, the Boston Red Sox have overcome the infamous curse the Curse of the Bambino as it is sometimes called, to become World Champions.
I extend hearty congratulations.
Now for the bad news.
Having read the curse's fine print thoroughly, I discover the following language:
"¦ the professional baseball club known as the Boston Red Sox shall escape the terms of this instrument only in occurrence of the events here following: a) said club must prevail in four (4) straight victories of the World Series without suffering a loss; b) said club must reach game seven of the final contest after losing the first three games of the league/pennant contest; b.1) these three (3) losses and four (4) wins must occur against the Yankees of New York; c) any witness to any previous Red Sox World Series victory must be ruled dead or incompetent; d) all conditions (a,b,c) must occur or be in evidence during a full eclipse of the moon. (25:6:2:a-d)
Now for the REALLY bad news:
"¦ these terms and conditions having been met, the curse is transferred to the entire Nation (i.e. the United States of America), and to all its states, districts, territories and possessions ["¦] this curse in the person of a crooked Texas politician to be named later. (25:6:3)