BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes.
www.bongonews.com DECEMBER 29, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2014 Bongo News, Inc.
   
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Bongo News' Man of the Year for 2004 is SpongeBob SparePants
... Full story

Bongo News' Woman of the Year for 2004 is Paris Hilton
... Full story

Jean Dicksin's Predictions for 2005
... Full story

Why Santa Was Late on Christmas Night
... Full story

Bush Diary "“ Playing Hyde and Seek; Rummy Visits Troops
... Full story

Al Gorenko Disputes Ballots in Southern Ukraine
... Full story

Bush Ancestor Went AWOL During the Crusades
... Full story

Yoko Ono Appointed Spokesperson for New Chemical Castration Drug
... Full story

Robert Blake's Rice Krispies
... Full story

Church of St. Kitty
... Full story

Robot Fighter: Jay Leno
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Doonesbury Blowjob
With apologies to Doonesbury... Full story

Car Talk
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Best of Bongo News 2004
... Full story

Bud Selig Announces a New Curse


mlb header



30 November 2004

To Whom it Concerns:

Owing to the tremendous efforts of athletes and fans alike, I am pleased to report, that despite all predictions to the contrary, the Boston Red Sox have overcome the infamous curse — the Curse of the Bambino — as it is sometimes called, to become World Champions.

I extend hearty congratulations.

Now for the bad news.

Having read the curse's fine print thoroughly, I discover the following language:

"¦ the professional baseball club known as the Boston Red Sox shall escape the terms of this instrument only in occurrence of the events here following: a) said club must prevail in four (4) straight victories of the World Series without suffering a loss; b) said club must reach game seven of the final contest after losing the first three games of the league/pennant contest; b.1) these three (3) losses and four (4) wins must occur against the Yankees of New York; c) any witness to any previous Red Sox World Series victory must be ruled dead or incompetent; d) all conditions (a,b,c) must occur or be in evidence during a full eclipse of the moon.       (25:6:2:a-d)

Now for the REALLY bad news:

"¦ these terms and conditions having been met, the curse is transferred to the entire Nation (i.e. the United States of America), and to all its states, districts, territories and possessions ["¦] this curse in the person of a crooked Texas politician to be named later.       (25:6:3)

Sorry ;^(






Simeon Namore
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Read these related stories:

Baseball Strike Averted; "Show Me The Money!" (4-Sep-02)

Yankees Lose to Indians 287 to 0, Suffer Three Deaths (8-Sep-04)

Pedro Martinez Delivers New Pitch: "I Just Gave Birth to a Midget!" (13-Oct-04)

With World Series Win, "City of Drunks" Becomes "City of Dead Drunks" (3-Nov-04)

Curt Schilling to Undergo New Heroic Surgeries (3-Nov-04)

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