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Pat Robertson Made a Last Minute Offer to Donate His Brain to Terri Schiavo
... Full story

Terri Schiavo's Brother Was the "Fisherman" in the Elian Gonzalez Case
... Full story

Jeb Bush Offers to Adopt the Pope
... Full story

Michael Jackson: "My Gloves Fit, You Must Acquit"
... Full story

Teresa Heinz Drops "Kerry" Name; He's Next
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Gas Stations to Begin Taking Right Arms Instead of Money From Public
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Bush Diary - Easter Egg WMDs; Rummy Wants to Occupy Her Fallujah
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Separated at Birth: Laura Bush and Jack Nicholson as the Joker
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Kittens can kill... Full story

Sneezing Fit
Sometimes a girl’s just got to let loose... Full story

All Top Comics: Catherine Zeta Jones
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Willie "˜n the Orgasm
With apologies to Willy β€˜n Ethel... Full story

Big Brother is Watching You
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

The Clintons Advise Larry Summers


billclinton lawrence summers

BOSTON — Bill and Hillary Clinton have been advising besieged Harvard President, Lawrence Summers, for several weeks about the controversy surrounding his remarks about the low numbers of women in the sciences.

Bill has told Larry to deny the allegations. "You say "˜I did not have science with that woman,'" said Bill, "and you debate word meanings, such as "˜It depends on what the meaning of "˜women' is, or are.'" Bill also advised Larry to attack the motivations of his accusers. "You have to go hard at them," said Bill. "You attack all the women at Harvard who are criticizing you, meaning all the women at Harvard. You call them lesbians and douche bags!"

Hillary told Larry it was a mistake for him to have released a transcript of his remarks. "Larry, Larry, Larry," she told him. "You never release documents. Look what good that did Nixon! No, you say you lost them, and they stay lost until years later when they turn up in your office, and nobody is more surprised than you!"

Bill also told Larry to create a diversion. "Try bombing Bosnia, or MIT."

Emma Dubin
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Read these related stories:

Larry Summers Says Jews Can't Farm (23-Feb-05)

Larry Summers Gets a Harvard Education (9-Jan-02)

Harvard to Create a New Economics Course Opposed to Bush Policies (12-Mar-03)

H-P Board Fires CEO, Says Women are No Good at Technology (16-Feb-05)

Jew Apologizes for Killing Christ (31-Mar-04)

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