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APRIL 20, 2005

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Cardinals Missed a Chance to Pimp the Pope
... Full story

Cardinals Leave Conclave Stoned
... Full story

Cardinals Limbaugh and Bono Were Among Those Who Might Have Become Pope
... Full story

Michael Schiavo's Fiance Drafts a Living Will: "Don't Pull the Plug"
... Full story

Britney Spears Changes Name to Britney Speared
... Full story

Disillusioned Man Sets World Record For Most Attempted Suicides
... Full story

Weekly World News Admits to Story Fabrication
... Full story

Bush Diary - I Visit With the Troops and the Super Bowl Champion Patriot Acts
... Full story

True Love
... Full story

Prince William and Claudia Schiffer
... Full story

Leeann Tweeden Changed Her Name From Leandra Muffin
... Full story

Tarzan: Tom Hanks
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Willie and the Tulips
With apologies to Willy 'n Ethel... Full story

Tell Me Your Deepest Darkest Desires
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

If Minnie Driver Married Harrison Ford, Divorced Him, and Married Vin Diesel ...

Patricia Ford

If Minnie Driver married Harrison Ford, divorced him, married Vin Diesel, divorced him and married Alan Carr, she'd be Minnie Driver Ford Diesel Carr.

If Madeline Kahn married Emmanuel Kant, divorced him and married James Caan, she'd be Madeline Kahn Kant Caan.

If Lesley Gore married Gore Vidal, divorced him and married Vidal Sasson, she'd be Lesley Gore Vidal Sasson.

If June Lockheart married John Locke, divorced him and married Moss Hart, she'd be June Lockheart Locke Hart.

If Liza Minnelli married Paul Reiser, divorced him and married Jimmy Buffet, she'd be Liza Reiser Buffet.

Laurie Siegel

Read these related stories:

Mother-in-Law = Woman Hitler, and Other Anagrams (13-Apr-05)

Michael Jackson is Home on Deranged, and Other Bad Puns (6-Apr-05)

Uh Oh (5-Jan-05)

Guys and Sports (13-Apr-05)

Bad Advice Column (26-Feb-03)

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