BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. APRIL 27, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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The Pope Endorses Benedictine Liqueur in New Global Ad Campaign


THE VATICAN — In an effort to improve the finances of the Vatican, the Pope Benedict has cut a lucrative deal with the makers of Benedictine liqueur and will appear in a global ad campaign for their product.

It is unprecedented for a Pontiff to endorse commercial products, especially considering that Popes have tended to rail against consumerism, capitalism and globalization. But they have always enjoyed their liqueurs!

The Pope has also cut a deal with Daimler Benz to make a new Popemobile out of a converted Mercedes sports car, and has negotiated with Hollywood to feature the new Popemobile instead of a Jeep in the movie Sahara, starring Mel Gibson as Pope Benedict and Salma Hayek as a nun with a low cut blouse, as they embark on a new crusade to kill all Muslims. This is part of a public relations campaign to appeal to the Western word's youth.

In an effort to increase collections at church services, the Pope is introducing a Holy Lotto game as well as Scratch-and-Sniff-the-Incense game cards.

Story by Emma Dubin. Photo by Mike Pasternack.

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