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Runaway Bride Returns Home, But is Promptly Abducted by Aliens
... Full story

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Caught in Africa Tryst
... Full story

The New Pope Raises the Height of the Urinals in the Vatican
... Full story

And Now We Go to Our Correspondent Who is Reporting LIVE . . .
... Full story

Bush and Saudi Hold Hands, Make Out
... Full story

Bush Diary - Laura Makes Jokes, But Says She Wasn't Joking
... Full story

Terror at Bush Press Conference
... Full story

Lassie Named Poet Laureate, Produces Doggerel
... Full story

North Carolina Coach Roy Williams is Fired
... Full story

Jennifer Lopez Has Been Letting People See Her Fur in Public
... Full story

Super Boy: George Bush
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Why Does Snoopy Lick His Balls
With apologies to Peanuts... Full story

Robonoxious
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Runaway Bride Turned Tricks For Rides


runaway bride greyhound bus

DULUTH, Georgia — Runaway bride, Jennifer Wilbanks, sold her body for food and transportation as she made her way from Georgia to New Mexico. She even gave fellatio to a barber from Nevada in exchange for a haircut. A Greyhound driver who drove her about 500 miles west said, "She kept bringing men into the bathroom on the back of the bus. They would go in there for about five minutes and when they came out they had big smiles on their faces."

After disembarking from the Greyhound, Ms. Wilbanks would stand shirtless on the side of the road and wait for truckers to pick her up. "I couldn't believe what I was seeing," said Mike, a road-weary trucker from Nevada, "She earned every one of them twenty seven miles I drove her. Her fiancé is a lucky man."

"I don't feel lucky," said fiancé, John Mason. "When I realized she was missing, I prayed to God that she would be found alive. Now I kind of wish she were dead. What a whore."

Police estimate that Jennifer was twisted out by more than a dozen truck drivers, as well as a homeless man riding in the back of a pickup.

Drifter Steven Ray told us, "I was just hitching in the back of a pickup when the driver pulled over and picked up this pretty young thing. She told me she would do anything I wanted for five dollars. I told her all I had on me was half a 350 ml of Skol Vodka. She grabbed the bottle out of my hand and sucked it down real fast. Then we had sex in the back of the truck."

When we finally got in touch with Jennifer Wilbanks she told us, "I don't know what came over me, I just kind of needed to get away. I know John will understand that people go through phases sometimes in life when they do crazy things. Hopefully, we can just reschedule the wedding and move on with our lives. I met a lot of great people on my journey, and I know I've made some really special friends that I'll stay in touch with for the rest of my life. When I left Georgia there was one important John in my life. Now there are over a dozen 'Johns' that mean so much to me. I guess we have a few more invitations to send out."

Story by Jarrett Blakeley. Photo by Mike Pasternack.
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Cardinals Missed a Chance to Pimp the Pope (20-Apr-05)

Michael Jackson is Home on Deranged, and Other Bad Puns (6-Apr-05)

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Martha's Confinement to 153-Acre Estate is Cruel and Unusual Punishment (9-Mar-05)




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