Brad Pitt Hospitalized, Million of Women in Sympathy Puke
LOS ANGELES, Ca — Millions of women worldwide, learning that actor Brad Pitt
had checked himself into a Los Angeles area hospital complaining of flu-like
symptoms, came down with what analysts are describing as "sympathy symptoms"
for the 41-year old star of Mr. & Mrs. Smith and a bunch of other
films that nobody will remember in ten years.
In the US and across much of Europe, millions of star-struck women
complained of flu symptoms much of the week, and were seen sweating, moaning
and puking their guts up at work, home and numerous shopping malls.
Additionally, several incidents of road-side hurling were reported as news
of Pitt's hospitalization was broadcast over the radio.
Pitt was in Ethiopia last week with co-star and Soulmate-du-Jour, Angelina
Jolie, to pick up the actress's newly-adopted baby girl and may have
contracted the illness there. Why the couple didn't adopt a helpless
American orphan isn't known, but pressure from U2 lead singer Bono, Sir Bob
Geldof and other globe-trekking hippies may have played in their choice.
A Pitt spokesperson in Los Angeles told reporters, "Brad feels pretty
crappy. He's going to stay here and receive round-the-clock treatment from
some of LA's best physicians so that he can return to Africa someday and
help the sick, puking unfortunates there. Maybe give them some iPod's and
autographed photos of Angelina. The really good photos, if you catch my
drift. Talk about forgetting your troubles for a while! And he's got some
hum-dingers of Jennifer Aniston, too. Wowzah!"
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