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www.bongonews.com OCTOBER 26, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
   
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NASA Forms Partnership with Google, Hoping to Find Porn On Mars


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SAN FRANCISCO — Google and NASA have announced that they are planning a partnership. NASA will help Google by allowing the Mountain View, California based Internet giant to avoid property taxes by building on government land owned by NASA. Google, on the other hand, will help NASA find porn on Mars.

"Even if there's no water, there's porn, for sure," said Elizabeth Kuchta, a Google spokeswoman. "If we've learned anything running the world's most all-encompassing search engine, that's it. I mean, if we found porn, and water, that'd be great "¦ I guess a hot tub scene would accomplish that. But I'm not holding my breath."

NASA has been frustrated in recent years, spending millions of dollars on the Mars rover, from which returns have been inconsistent at best. The agency came upon the conclusion that a new search tactic was needed, and that it might be right under their noses.

"We figured, we weren't able to find anything of consequence up there yet, and it was getting old, quick," said Jared Sawin, NASA scientist from the Ames Research Center near San Francisco. "We were talking around the office once after two days awake, just fed up with the whole space thing, and one guy was like, 'Man, I wish we could just Google Mars.' We laughed, and then it got real quiet. I called the Google people right away."

At this point, NASA is less concerned with finding anything relevant to people's lives here on Earth than they are with just finding anything.

Said Kuchta, "Google is the number one search engine in the world in terms of the quantity of what we find. It might be true that it's rarely relevant, and 40% porn, but whenever we go looking for something, we always find a whole lot of stuff."

Right now, 40% porn is looking pretty good to NASA.

Kevin McCaffrey and Jaimie Hughes. Kevin and Jaimie are freelance monologue writers for The Late Show with David Letterman.
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