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War on Terror Birds Ordered by Revenge-Seeking President
WASHINGTON, DC — "We'll hunt them down in bird sanctuaries, bird zoos and bird aquariums,” said President Bush. “I will not have the American people face recurrent nasal congestion and death from these flying terrorists. And behave yourselves, you turkeys, ducks and chickens - we've got an Abu Gharib situation planned for y'all should you start gittin' too Muslim for your own good, you infected flock of fowl mouths."
The President initiated his War on Bird Flu with this pronouncement as he called for $7 billion in increased deficit spending to prepare for a potential pandemic bird influenza outbreak.
Bush announced that Halliburton will manage "Operation Death to Tweety Bird" under a no-bid contract and has guaranteed a few billion sparrows will blown to smithereens "if it takes a billion bucks per flying menace, i.e., a few billion dead birds here, a few billion dead birds there, pretty soon you're talking about real carnage."
Combining a stockpile of vaccine with a nationwide Wanted List posting of the following evil windshield splatterers. Bush promised the American people an immediate assault on “terror birds with the sniffles.”
Sneezy - Korean bird with propensity to spray droplets on Koreans who eat chicken sandwiches instead of microwaved puppies
Yellow Fever - Coughs on unsuspecting Chinese laundry workers inducing immediate ironing stoppage, jaundice and catatonia.
Chicken Chow Mein - Stands near dead relatives in Shanghai restaurant allegedly plotting terror attack on cooks to serve up some Hop Sing Chow Mein for a change
Flu-Zee - Infected bird prostitute who kisses Asian sex industry workers and Americans visiting Thailand to "make it with anything under the age of 11"
Sue E. Side - Psychotically anti-Western bird with fascination for slamming into tall buildings "because Ward Churchill is my savior and an Indian"
Big Bird - Communist Public Television operative- probably responsible for the 1918 flu epidemic, Lenin and Trotsky
Bird Brian - Dyslexic flu-carrying terror monger with birth certificate actually reading "Bird Brain"
Robin Quivers - a Sirius Satellite Radio Terror Bird since she appears with Syrian atheist, Howard Stern. Bush is Serious about destroying Syrians on Sirius and in falafel bars in the Canary Islands.
Inequality, Racism, Poverty, Joblessness - Bush’s America? Chirac’s France!
