BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes.
www.bongonews.com JANUARY 18, 2006 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
   
» back issues

» search site

personal ad
of the week


best of
bongo news


sponsored links


Angelina Jolie's Lips Are Pregnant
... Full story

Straights Are Upset By All the Gay Golden Globe Awards
... Full story

Martin Luther King Controversy: New Book Claims He Was French!
... Full story

Walter Cronkite Says Pull Out of Vietnam Now!
... Full story

Bush Skips Senior Year, Enters NFL Draft
... Full story

Pat Roberston Found Snooping Around Sharon's Hospital Ward
... Full story

Atheist Claims "In God We Trust" Just Isn't Kosher
... Full story

Brown and Root Awarded Torture Instrument Contract
... Full story

Bush Diary - I-Ran Has WMD's, We're Pretty Sure About It This Time
... Full story

Head-Out Parker Furious About Arnold Motorcycle Accident
... Full story

Scarlett Johanssen at the Golden Globes
... Full story

Heady de Vine: Heather Graham
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Hugo Ballz: The Return of Dirtbag Dan
... Full story

Ted Kennedy in All Male Club, Hillary is Oppressed


kerrykennedy

WASHINGTON, DC — After pouncing on Judge Samuel Alito for being involved in an Princeton group that would not allow women into its membership, it appears that Senator Kennedy is in an exclusive club of his own. The Harvard club that Ted Kennedy belonged to until Tuesday does not allow women to join. The Senator said that he was not aware of the rule, but "for years was puzzled why no women had ever showed up" to the group's functions.

Judge Alito pointed out Senator Kennedy's hypocrisy, and vowed to spy on Kennedy's mail if he were appointed. Alito later apologized, saying that he was quoting himself from 1985, and that he did not mean what he said, he was just quoting what he thought that year.

"I know that Alito was uncomfortable at the hearing," said the Senator, "but so was I, worrying if the public would find out that I was in a similar group. However, my group has allowed several women to attend meetings ... several of my interns were members of the club at one point. Funny story about that ... I, uh, have to go now."

Karl Rove, who has yet to be indicted, claims that the club that Senator Kennedy joined is a male strip club, and that Kennedy is part of the gay conspiracy to destroy America. The Senator quickly bounced back, saying that he saw Karl Rove and Robert Novak at an undisclosed location. Mr. Rove could not be reached for comment, but his lawyer says he plans to "Switftboat the hell out of Kennedy."

Senator Kennedy has been asked by Republicans and fellow Democrats to apologize for joining the controversial group in the first place. They were shocked that a politician would do such a thing, seeing as they are all honest and trustworthy. The Senator has yet to apologize, saying that it was all a big misunderstanding. He says he joined the group because a cute girl was signing members up and he wanted to date her. The authorities, needless to say, are not buying his story.

Hillary Clinton also came under fire for comparing the House of Representatives to a plantation in front of an African American audience, taking a page out of Gingrich's book. Hillary hopes to gain Black votes by following Newt's example. Senator Clinton also said that, "Until we, the members of the Senate, are unshackled by our white oppressors, there will be no freedom. Remember, we were not allowed to read ... the intelligence reports. Oops. We were misled, it seems. Now I have a date with Tom Delay at the fanciest restaurant in New York City. Remember, we lawmakers are being oppressed on all fronts."

KDANTEATER
ADVERTISEMENT

Read these related stories:




Subscribe to Bongo News


bongo recommends

bongo news
merchandise

Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed