BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JANUARY 18, 2006 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Brown and Root Awarded Torture Instrument Contract

Brown and Root displays its line of torture instruments at the 2005 World Interrogation Fair in Tehran, Iran

WASHINGTON, DC — Brown and Root has announced that it has been awarded a $6 million contract by the CIA to manufacture a line of instruments to facilitate the interrogation of terrorists held at Guantanamo.

"These will be humane items, and within the scope of the Geneva Convention," a Brown and Root spokesman said.

"All of our instrumentation has been tested extensively in Iraq," he said, "We interviewed the terrorist testees, and all except the ones who unfortunately died expressed agreement that the devices worked effectively in eliciting the expected responses."

Gustav Swilki, President of Ukrainian Iron works, strongly objected to the no-bid contract awarded to Brown and Root. "We should have been allowed to bid," he angrily exclaimed. "We have refined our products over the years, and there are no better thumb screws or iron maidens anywhere than ours!"

Vice President Dick Cheney, who had strong financial interests in Brown and Root, denied assertions that he influenced the no-bid award.

"I had nothing to do with the awarding of the contract. If their electric prods work as good as my Brown and Root pacemaker, it speaks highly of their expertise," he said.

Art Candell

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