BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes.
www.bongonews.com MARCH 15, 2006 Copyright © 2001-2014 Bongo News, Inc.
   
» back issues

» search site

personal ad
of the week
Reese


best of
bongo news


sponsored links


Hillary Would Rather the Mob Ran U.S. Ports
... Full story

Cheney Promises to Go Ballistic on Iran
... Full story

New World Order: Milosevic Dead, Hussein Sick, Bin Laden on Life Support
Slobo is slomo... Full story

Cheney Was at the Grassy Knoll in 1963; Tried to Suicide But Shot JFK
... Full story

Bush Makes Tenth Photo Op Trip to New Orleans
... Full story

New Poll Shows Bush Popular Only With Immediate Family
... Full story

A Prerequisite for Admission to the Church of Scientology is a Lack of Sense of Humor
... Full story

Howard Stern Runs Afoul of Alien Bureaucrats
... Full story

ACLU Says Breakfast is the Most Racist Meal of the Day
... Full story

Bush Speak
... Full story

Who's Soccer Mom is That?
... Full story

British Airways Blocks Access to Bongo News
... Full story

The Incredible Hulk: George Bush
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Hugo Ballz: Taking a Dump
Hugo Ballz comic strip... Full story

Cheney Was at the Grassy Knoll in 1963; Tried to Suicide But Shot JFK




Via the miracle of the Bongo News' Way Back Machine, we take you back to the Grassy Knoll at Dealey Plaza in Dallas, Texas on the afternoon of November 22, 1963. It has indeed been alleged that CIA man and future US President, George Herbert Walker Bush, was in Dallas on that fateful day.

Unknown CIA Operative: Dick, Don't pull the trigger.

Dick Cheney: Why? My life is meaningless. I went quail hunting Monday and I shot the guy who invented the pacemaker.

Operative: Dick, Dick. Think about the career you'll be throwing away. In a few years, you could be working with Ollie North to shake down millions of Americans through some shady Iran Contra mega money deal.

Cheney: Well, okay. I do want to help establish a strongman in Iraq.

Operative: That's the spirit, Dick. Now put the gun away. Look who's here, that special CIA bagman, George Herbert Walker Bush.

George Herbert Walker Bush: Motorcade, Kennedy, book, near, depository, bang, bang.

Cheney: What? Listen pal, speak English. Hey, this guy have any kids? Wouldn't want anymore of his language disorder infiltrating innocent progeny.

Operative: Think he's got some sons. None are being groomed to be orators ... just Texas oilmen, like HW here.

Bush: Me day one President, points thousands light. Carlyle. Son, damaged brain-mute or incoherent for part most-11/9 President war; strongman evil helped we to install Iraq in.

Cheney: Look, I know some of you CIA folks are here on a secret mission and you have to speak in code, but I think this old WASP is just some knucklehead who's one cigarette short of a pack.

Bush: Married who mother his.

Cheney: Well, that might explain the brain disorder in sonny.

Operative: See that guy up in that building? He's a patsy. The one with the loaded rifle.

Cheney: Curious sign he's draping out the window. "Jack Ruby Waives the Cover Charge when I Go to His Strip Clubs."

Operative: Dick, look over there. Near the motorcade, a quail.

Cheney: I got it in my sight fellas.

Bush: Ready, fire, aim, Dick.

Cheney fires weapon.

Bush: Splatter, cortex, brain ... complex industrial military, JBL over takes, then kablooey Bobby, Nixon followed by command takes.

Cheney: That's one big brained bird I just nailed, huh guys?

Operative: Oh yeah Dick. Should be a mob scene later with Sam Giancana himself giving you a big kiss in honor of your marksmanship.

Cheney: Hey, that bird is not dead. It's flying right at me!!!

Bush: Shoot again bird, Dick!

Cheney: Forget it. I'm worthless. I'm blowing my brains out.

Fires rifle again near his head.

Operative: Nice one, Dick. You went backdoor this time for the finale and I think you also gave Connally a broken arm.

Bush: Hit birds two one with stone.

Cheney: F*ck it. I missed my damn skull!

Bush: Worry don't, mouth sewer. Be Clay Dice another Andrew.

Van Gross, MD
ADVERTISEMENT

Read these related stories:

Kerry and Cheney to Wed after Election, Adopt a Lesbian, Hunt Ducks (27-Oct-04)

Killen is Released: "I'm Hunting Coloreds Again!" (17-Aug-05)

Highlights of Dan Rather's Career (1-Dec-04)

Bush Sends Soldiers Into Langley to Retake CIA Headquarters (1-Dec-04)

To Confuse Spies, CIA Names Intelligence Center After George Bush (25-May-05)




Subscribe to Bongo News


bongo recommends

bongo news
merchandise

Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2014 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed


Warning: fopen(cachedpages/2402 .html) [function.fopen]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout1.php on line 265

Warning: fwrite(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout1.php on line 266

Warning: fclose(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout1.php on line 267