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Cheney Was at the Grassy Knoll in 1963; Tried to Suicide But Shot JFK
Via the miracle of the Bongo News' Way Back Machine, we take you back to the Grassy Knoll at Dealey Plaza in Dallas, Texas on the afternoon of November 22, 1963. It has indeed been alleged that CIA man and future US President, George Herbert Walker Bush, was in Dallas on that fateful day.
Unknown CIA Operative: Dick, Don't pull the trigger.
Dick Cheney: Why? My life is meaningless. I went quail hunting Monday and I shot the guy who invented the pacemaker.
Operative: Dick, Dick. Think about the career you'll be throwing away. In a few years, you could be working with Ollie North to shake down millions of Americans through some shady Iran Contra mega money deal.
Cheney: Well, okay. I do want to help establish a strongman in Iraq.
Operative: That's the spirit, Dick. Now put the gun away. Look who's here, that special CIA bagman, George Herbert Walker Bush.
George Herbert Walker Bush: Motorcade, Kennedy, book, near, depository, bang, bang.
Cheney: What? Listen pal, speak English. Hey, this guy have any kids? Wouldn't want anymore of his language disorder infiltrating innocent progeny.
Operative: Think he's got some sons. None are being groomed to be orators ... just Texas oilmen, like HW here.
Bush: Me day one President, points thousands light. Carlyle. Son, damaged brain-mute or incoherent for part most-11/9 President war; strongman evil helped we to install Iraq in.
Cheney: Look, I know some of you CIA folks are here on a secret mission and you have to speak in code, but I think this old WASP is just some knucklehead who's one cigarette short of a pack.
Bush: Married who mother his.
Cheney: Well, that might explain the brain disorder in sonny.
Operative: See that guy up in that building? He's a patsy. The one with the loaded rifle.
Cheney: Curious sign he's draping out the window. "Jack Ruby Waives the Cover Charge when I Go to His Strip Clubs."
Operative: Dick, look over there. Near the motorcade, a quail.
Cheney: I got it in my sight fellas.
Bush: Ready, fire, aim, Dick.
Cheney fires weapon.
Bush: Splatter, cortex, brain ... complex industrial military, JBL over takes, then kablooey Bobby, Nixon followed by command takes.
Cheney: That's one big brained bird I just nailed, huh guys?
Operative: Oh yeah Dick. Should be a mob scene later with Sam Giancana himself giving you a big kiss in honor of your marksmanship.
Cheney: Hey, that bird is not dead. It's flying right at me!!!
Bush: Shoot again bird, Dick!
Cheney: Forget it. I'm worthless. I'm blowing my brains out.
Fires rifle again near his head.
Operative: Nice one, Dick. You went backdoor this time for the finale and I think you also gave Connally a broken arm.
Bush: Hit birds two one with stone.
Cheney: F*ck it. I missed my damn skull!
Bush: Worry don't, mouth sewer. Be Clay Dice another Andrew.
Van Gross, MD
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