BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MAY 17, 2006 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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God Denies Directing a Lightning Bolt at Ted Kennedy; "Kennedy Curse? What Kennedy Curse?"


BOSTON — A small plane carrying Ted Kennedy was struck by lightning Saturday, lost all electrical power, and had to stage an emergency landing.

Reached over the weekend in Heaven, an inebriated Lord of Creation, lounging in bell bottom jeans on a 70's style futon, babbled about "having fun with planes" while denying the existence of any Kennedy curse. Peppering his slurred speech with ghoulish laughter, the Master of the Universe denied "getting my jollies from Kennedy vehicle mishaps."

Somewhat defensively, the God Dude, as he is wont to be called by eye-rolling cherubs in Heaven, said, "Was Bobby in a vehicle? Answer that! He was walking, remember? Off the hook! I'm off the hook. Time to get down and say hallelujah!"

Reminded of vehicles transporting Kennedys before tragedies struck such as ones in Europe, Dallas, Chappaquidick, over Long Island Sound and most recently in Washington, D.C., his Greatness retorted, "What do you think, I'm some nutjob who becomes demonic when I put Kennedys in things with motors? Don't answer that! I said no talking! Silence is golden. Come on everybody, "Hello darkness my old friend ..." Everybody sing Sounds of Silence!"

"And furthermore," added the Most Supreme, munching on trail nuts, "Teddy was not injured in this 'freak of nature' lightning coincidence. I was celebrating Mother's Day, OK? Mother Nature got a little freaky? Am I supposed to control everything? The woman had one too many Rum and Cokes and started reminiscing about the Ben Franklin kite thing, OK?

"A Kennedy got in the way. What the Hell else is new? There's a certain amount of space in the sky and a lightning bolt happened to hit his tiny plane. One in a trillion things happen. Yeah, they do!

"Can we talk about the weather instead? Mother Nature and I are working on heating up a few hurricanes so we can fly Bobby "Global Warming' Kennedy, Jr. around in the ozone layer. Joking! I'm joking!"

Van Gross, MD

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