BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JUNE 7, 2006 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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FBI Finds the Remains of More Than One Hoffa


DETROIT, Michigan — The FBI has revealed that the recent search for the remains of Jimmy Hoffa, long-dead Teamster strongman, was at least a partial success.

"We really can't say if we've found the remains of Mr. Hoffa," reported Steve Barry, FBI spokesman. "We have already recovered the partial remains of over two-hundred and seventy-five individuals," continued Frank Bochte, spokesman for the FBI. "From just a small portion of the site," qualified Frank Scafidi, another FBI spokesman.

"We expect that Hoffa's remains "¦" said Jim Margolin, FBI spokesman, ""¦ may well be among those we've discovered "¦" added Gail Marcinkiewicz spokeswoman for the FBI, ""¦or those we will discover "¦" interjected FBI spokesman Bill Carter, ""¦ in the future," concluded William J. Crowley, FBI spokesman.

FBI spokesman, David Staretz postulates that "We have found the mob's killing field." "Yes, it looks that way," concurred Larry Holmquist, yet another FBI spokesman.

Michael Kortan "“ FBI spokesperson "“ continued, "We we're hoping to close the files on a number of cases "¦", ""¦ but it appears we've opened far more cases "¦" chimed in FBI spokeswoman Rene Salinas, ""¦ than we've closed," piped up Jim Turgal, another damn spokesman for the FBI.

Steve Markardt, not remarkably "“a spokesman for the FBI "“ explained that "forensic experts from the Bureau "¦," ""¦ and from other sources and jurisdictions"¦" shone in Paul Bresson, spokesperson for the FBI, ""¦ have arrived," announced Barry Maddox, FBI spokesman. "It appears that many of the victims "¦" started Jan Caldwell, FBI spokeswoman, ""¦ suffered blunt trauma injuries"¦" added David Beyer "“ yep "“ FBI spokesperson, ""¦ or bullet wounds "¦" interjected William Carter, FBI spokesman, ""¦to the head," observed Gary Johnson, the last frigin' FBI spokesman on hand.

When it was learned later in the afternoon that the Bureau had instead happened upon the unmarked cemetery of an abandoned state prison and work farm, no one was available for comment.

Sim Namore

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