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Ken Lay Wins Indonesian Surfing Competition
LETI ISLAND, Indonesia Although widely reported to have died from a massive heart attack on July 5, with a little help from his friends, convicted Enron conspirator, corporate con-artist and Bush financier, Kenneth Lay, has won a local surfing competition near Leti Island, a part of the Maluku Islands in central Indonesia.
"Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated," quipped the convicted thief, who also steals his lines.
Lay's real estate agents report that the escapee recently entered into a long-term lease agreement over several islands with Indonesian authorities. Indonesia and the United States do not have extradition agreements and have been at odds for years.
"Mr. Lay requires security and privacy," continued one of Lay's local agents, Kon Sok Buk, "and it's amazing what hundreds of millions of U.S. dollars can accomplish."
Back in Colorado, Boulder Coroners doctors Rodney Blackpool and Phillis Phaster confess that the man upon whom they performed an autopsy on July 6 was not Lay but retired Colorado peach-picker and sometime MacDonald's fry chef, Carlo "Pepe" Garcia. Although forced to resign, Blackpool and Phaster also report being amazed at what millions of dollars can accomplish, as does Mr. Garcia's son Jorges and his other family members who phoned in their comments from an undisclosed location.
In a related story, Boulder, Colorado police officials refused to comment on the rumors that Mr. Garcia was a suspect in the longstanding JonBenet Ramsey murder investigation, but would not deny that JonBenet's mother, Patsy Ramsay placed second in the same surfing competition.