BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JULY 12, 2006 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Bush Makes Incursions Into America to Confuse the Enemy
... Full story

Bush Elected President of Mexico
... Full story

Justices Roberts, Scalia and Thomas Will Decide the Mexican Election
... Full story

New York Times Now Writing Terror-Sponsoring Reports in Arabic and Chinese
... Full story

Straights Mock Gays' Distress at New York Court Decision on Gay Marriage
... Full story

Keira Knightley Denies Being Anorexic, Says She Keeps Slim With Cocaine
... Full story

After Part of an Indian Man's Skull Fell Off, Indians Start Selling Yarmulkas
... Full story

How They Put Together the President's Cheering Section
... Full story

Help Us Celebrate Arab American Heritage Month
... Full story

President Proposes a New Anti-Flag Burning Bill
... Full story

Ask Dr. Sawtooth: What's the Difference Between the Vietnam and Iraq Wars?
... Full story

Ball-Flattening Tales: Scarlett Johansson
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Hugo Ballz: Three Legs
Hugo Ballz comic strip... Full story

Ken Lay Wins Indonesian Surfing Competition


LETI ISLAND, Indonesia — Although widely reported to have died from a massive heart attack on July 5, with a little help from his friends, convicted Enron conspirator, corporate con-artist and Bush financier, Kenneth Lay, has won a local surfing competition near Leti Island, a part of the Maluku Islands in central Indonesia.

"Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated," quipped the convicted thief, who also steals his lines.

Lay's real estate agents report that the escapee recently entered into a long-term lease agreement over several islands with Indonesian authorities. Indonesia and the United States do not have extradition agreements and have been at odds for years.

"Mr. Lay requires security and privacy," continued one of Lay's local agents, Kon Sok Buk, "and it's amazing what hundreds of millions of U.S. dollars can accomplish."

Back in Colorado, Boulder Coroners doctors Rodney Blackpool and Phillis Phaster confess that the man upon whom they performed an autopsy on July 6 was not Lay but retired Colorado peach-picker and sometime MacDonald's fry chef, Carlo "Pepe" Garcia. Although forced to resign, Blackpool and Phaster also report being amazed at what millions of dollars can accomplish, as does Mr. Garcia's son Jorges and his other family members who phoned in their comments from an undisclosed location.

In a related story, Boulder, Colorado police officials refused to comment on the rumors that Mr. Garcia was a suspect in the longstanding JonBenet Ramsey murder investigation, but would not deny that JonBenet's mother, Patsy Ramsay placed second in the same surfing competition.

Sim Namore

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