Ken Lay Wins Indonesian Surfing Competition ... Full story
Bush Makes Incursions Into America to Confuse the Enemy ... Full story
Justices Roberts, Scalia and Thomas Will Decide the Mexican Election ... Full story
New York Times Now Writing Terror-Sponsoring Reports in Arabic and Chinese ... Full story
Straights Mock Gays' Distress at New York Court Decision on Gay Marriage ... Full story
Keira Knightley Denies Being Anorexic, Says She Keeps Slim With Cocaine ... Full story
After Part of an Indian Man's Skull Fell Off, Indians Start Selling Yarmulkas ... Full story
How They Put Together the President's Cheering Section ... Full story
Help Us Celebrate Arab American Heritage Month ... Full story
President Proposes a New Anti-Flag Burning Bill ... Full story
Ask Dr. Sawtooth: What's the Difference Between the Vietnam and Iraq Wars? ... Full story
Ball-Flattening Tales: Scarlett Johansson Comic book cover by blorno... Full story
Hugo Ballz: Three Legs Hugo Ballz comic strip... Full story
Bush Elected President of Mexico
MEXICO CITY — When all the absentee ballots were in and counted in last week's Mexican Presidential elections, neither Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, professed lefty and former mayor of Mexico City, nor ruling party candidate Felipe "El Raton" Calderon could claim victory.
"It appears that the 145 million Mexican citizens living in Florida and Texas have won the day and made Mr. Bush the next Presidente de Mexico," said smiling Mexican election official Mr. Jorges "Pepito" Garcia.
"Sink-oh-dey-my big white Texas butt," shouted the double President at an East Room Victory celebration. "It's cinco de Busho ownmah calendrio," he slurred.
It is widely believed that the President will dissolve the U.S. Mexican border altogether, and will introduce legislation lowering the minimum wage to $0.06 by week's end.
"Stick that inyahls pipen smokket"ya bunch'o frigin' demo " demo " demo-rats!" the President/e reeled.
When informed that there were no "democrats' running in the Mexican election, he passed out for consultation but is expected to return to consciousness for the pending Cuban primaries.
Ken Lay Wins Indonesian Surfing Competition
