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Bush Nukes Entire Middle East - And Massachusetts Too
Out with the Sauds and in with New Lubbockstan RIYADH, New Lubbockstan In a move apparently calculated to silence many of his harshest critics " including those he destines never to be born " President Bush annihilated most of the Middle East (and Massachusetts) on Tuesday afternoon at 2 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
"Yep, I'm the Armygettin Prezdent," said Bush upon launching multiple nuclear strikes aimed at Syria, Lebanon, Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan, but also hitting Saudi Arabia, Jordan, both Yemens, Bahrain, Oman, Egypt, and the United Arab Emirates. Strangely enough, Israel, Kuwait and Massachusetts were also targeted, attacked and utterly destroyed.
"Thadahduh lurnemah thangur tu " anah aint sh*ttin," the President is reported to have commented after learning of the totality of the destruction. Congress was not consulted on the controversial move but prominent Republican leaders immediately endorsed a post-facto resolution supporting the approximate 41 pre-emptive nuclear strikes made against some 13 nations (and the State of Massachusetts) on Thursday afternoon and also voted to extend the "Who Cares About the Facts War Powers Act' until "the End time."
The passage of such measures was immediately followed in the House by the introduction of other initiatives including opening Alaska to massive oil exploitation as well as changing the names of many Middle Eastern nations. Iran, for example, is now "New Amarillostan" and the tiny peninsular nation of Qatar is now "Guitar" " this change reported to have been a made by personal request of the President.
"That really cracks me up, She-ute!" he is reported to have said.
Democratic leaders in both the House and the Senate objected and then recessed to fill up their Cadillacs as the price of crude oil hit $957.00 per barrel by late afternoon.
In a related story, in a court-scheduled teleconference, Vice President Dick Cheney directed Massachusetts' Federal District Judge E. Paula Letz to "Go f**k yourself, your honor. I have a Presidential pardon!" Cheney was subpoenaed to testify as a sworn witness in a civil case relating to the illegal and punitive outing of CIA operative, Valerie Plame, this immediately before temperatures in the courtroom reached 10Â° K by mid afternoon and the case became too hot to handle.