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Castro Hospitalized, Woody Allen to Assume Cuban Leadership


bananas

HAVANA — Cuba received a measure of salvation today as a governmental shift was emergently implemented due to the hospitalization of Cuban President Fidel ("El Intestinal Bleeder") Castro.

Reprising his role in the 1971 film Bananas, Woody Allen donned a red beard and proceeded to assume the reigns of the Caribbean banana republic.

As many recall, there were no bananas in the movie. There are no bananas in Cuba either
- bandanas yes, but that's mostly during Che Guevera nostalgia parties.

With life imitating Bananas, the late Howard Cosell will reprise his role as play-by-play announcer for the coup that took place in the movie. "Mr. Allen has taken command," he says. "Mr. Allen, do you have any words for the people of Cuba?"

"Where does somebody get take-out here?" Allen replies. "I like chicken and rice, but generally not while I'm having Wheaties."

Allen indicated he would rule under the name of Commandant Haywood Allen rather than use his Bananas movie name of Fielding Mellish.

"Basically, I'm reprising a role but I'm not basically totally reprising," said Allen. "Basically, I'm reprising a basic variation on a Fellini movie I never basically made while basically doing reprises of Ingmar Bergman movies I basically reprised during a period of major reprising."

Van Gross, MD
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