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AUGUST 2, 2006

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Castro Hospitalized, Woody Allen to Assume Cuban Leadership
... Full story

Castro's Colon Causes Havoc in Havana, Mayhem in Miami
... Full story

Mel Gibson Plans Film on Hitler's Youth, Israel Attacks Malibu
... Full story

Hezbollah Steals Australian Technology, Starts Hurling Boomerangs
... Full story

Hezbollah Soldier Reveals New Body Armor
... Full story

Rodent Community Awash in Gratitude Over Hezbollah Stem Cell Donations
... Full story

Report Says Denmark is Happiest Place on Earth, Disney Vows Vengeance
... Full story

Bush Diary - I'm a Sh*t Talker
... Full story

Anti-Abortion Group Relieved Girl Scouts Aren't Learning About Sex
... Full story

Anagrams by Laurie: Mel Gibson, Baby Shiloh, Pamela Anderson
... Full story

Ask Dr. Sawtooth: Why Do Hindu Women Have a Red Dot on Their Forehead?
... Full story

Gene Autry: Judge Roberts
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Hugo Ballz: Dutch Oven
Hugo Ballz comic strip... Full story

Mel Gibson Apologizes For Calling Cop a Jew

LOS ANGELES — Mel Gibson has apologised for calling a Los Anglese cop a Jew during his arrest for being drunk.

"I'm sorry, but that bloke looked like a Jew," he said. "He had a big nose and a swarthy complexion. I'm sorry if I offended him. Nobody wants to be Jewish, even the Jews!"

"I also apologize to my Savior, Jesus Christ. I forgot he was a Yid.

"Some of my best friends are kikes, but I love them anyway. I promise I won't give anymore money to the Hezbelloh to buy missiles to fire at Hymie Land.

"I am not anti-Semitic. Why, I frequently go to Goldman's Delicatessen and order a corned beef sandwich on rye!"

Gunther Schnitzell

Read these related stories:

Mel Gibson to Remake "Fiddler on the Roof" with a Catholic Theme (3-Mar-04)

Mrs. Mel Gibson Asks the Wizard of Love (3-Mar-04)

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