BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JANUARY 10, 2007 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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North Korea Accuses M*A*S*H Unit of War Crimes

M*A*S*H rejects

PYONGYANG, North Korea — The future of six-party talks on North Korea's nuclear program is once again in doubt after Pyongyang announced it would not continue negotiations until the U.S. turned over members of the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital " M*A*S*H - for trial as war criminals.

In a lengthy and typically vitriolic harangue carried by the state-run People's Daily News and PennyWise Shopper, the North accused M*A*S*H personnel of performing "meatball surgery" on prisoners of war, and subjecting them to overly dramatic storylines and unfunny dialogue, especially after Alan Alda took over in the last few years.

The statement also suggested that North Korean MiGs had specifically targeted the plane carrying Lt. Col. Henry Blake, the unit's first commander, in one of the most memorable and highly rated episodes of the entire Korean War. The plane, according to teary-eyed official records of the time, "was shot down. It spun in. There were no survivors."

The activities of the M*A*S*H unit have long been shrouded in mystery. Some analysts have pointed out that the 4077th remained in existence for more than 10 years, although the war itself lasted only three years. Furthermore, some Defense Department officials have questioned why a cross-dressing enlisted man, Cpl. Maxwell Klinger, had his own quarters, complete with a walk-in closet full of designer evening gowns, while three staff surgeons, including a major and two captains, had to share a single rat-infested tent.

Assistant Secretary of State, Christopher Hill, U.S. representative to the six-party talks, said his government would gladly surrender the M*A*S*H veterans to the international war crimes tribunal at the Hague, "but since the series ended, no one has seen them or heard anything about them. It's like they vanished into thin air."

Darrin Pack

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