BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JANUARY 10, 2007 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Democrats Celebrate Seizing Power, and Begin the Pork
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Bush Family Pet Resigns from Post
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Gerry Ford's and James Brown's Coffins Get Mixed Up
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Romanian Humor: Bushrat (Based on Borat)
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Famous Monsters of Filmland: Cate Blanchett
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Hugo Ballz: Tickle Me, Elmo
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Look Who's Prophesying Now


VIRGINIA BEACH, Virginia — Pat Robertson's stunning prediction of a terrorist attack on U.S. soil in the latter half of 2007 has led to a rash of bold prophesying by a half-dozen of Robertson's fellow TV preachers. Not all the preachers are predicting such dire consequences for the U.S. as Robertson is, but they all are claiming God told them to share what He has told them.

From his headquarters in Virginia, Rev. Jerry Falwell issued a proclamation that God will show his dissatisfaction with both Muslims and Jews by raining down plague-like proportions of bacon on the Middle East.

Often-disgraced Louisiana televangelist, Jimmy Swaggert, is telling his followers that God, who has had it up to here with all the homosexuals in California, will cause a massive earthquake that will send San Francisco floating off into the Pacific Ocean.

Best-selling author and preacher Joel Osteen says God told him that in 2007 people will finally stop confusing him with actor Hayley Joel Osment.

Prosperity preacher Kenneth Copeland is predicting that Brad and Angelina will break up in 2007 unless they stop giving so much money to the Africans and start donating massive sums to his TV ministry. Ironically, TV preacher John Hagee of San Antonio also predicts trouble for Brad and Angelina unless they give substantial amounts to his own evangelical operation.

The prophecy craze has caused Robert Schuller of Crystal Cathedral fame to come out of semi-retirement and contribute what God has been telling him. Schuller says God likes the Saints to win the Super Bowl, the Phoenix Suns to win the NBA Finals, and, of course, the San Diego Padres to win the World Series. God declined to choose a winner of hockey's Stanley Cup because, according to Schuller, "the Lord just doesn't get hockey."

D. W. Schmidt

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