BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JANUARY 10, 2007 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Bush Dates Paris Hilton


WASHINGTON, DC — Desperate about his plunging ratings in the polls, President Bush has recently instituted wholesale changes in his schedule and attitude in hopes of reviving his sagging fortunes.

"We were just going to try it out on a small scale and see how it went, first giving him a new look to his wardrobe and personal appearance," said Assistant Executive, Dalkon Shields. "What followed next kind of took us by surprise!"

The President, after showering down and rinsing with AXE, put on his hoodie and went out and started hitting the most popular nightclubs and bars of Georgetown and Washington.

"We hit Eyebar early, and that's where he ran into Miss Hilton," Shields continued. "When they were first introduced I think she was a little unsure of exactly who he was as she kept asking him when his next record would be out, but after I gave her a short civics lecture she figured out it was the President and she said, "˜That's Hot!'"

The group then moved on to the popular nightclub Spank where the paparazzi had really started to gather.

"The news people kept yelling out questions at the pair making it extremely difficult to have a good time," said Shields "They were yelling disgusting stuff and I won't repeat exactly what they said but a lot of it had to do with whether the couple had availed themselves of the six beds that Spanks' V.I.P. room is noted for. It was time to leave but the photographers blocked the exit all trying to get the best shot. One of them shouted out a question asking what he thought of the decline of world opinion against him and the President raised a finger to them and said, "˜WE'RE STILL NUMBER ONE!' Unfortunately, it was very noisy and no one could hear him and the finger was taken way out of context."

Mrs. Bush and her daughters are in Crawford Texas this week and were unavailable for comment.

Mike Pasternack

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