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Howard K. Stern Found to be Daughter of Howard K. Smith and Howard Stern
HOLLYWOOD, Florida — Lost amid the hubbub of the passing of bazooms and an attitude, Seminole Indian tribe records revealed today that dead TV commentator, Howard K. Smith, and Shock Jock Howard Stern used an ancient Indian semen extracting technique to father a lesbian daughter some 39 years ago.
Smith, then a dynamic news anchor, and Stern, a gangly teen victim of gang rape, entered a Hollywood Florida Seminole Tribe teepee in early 1968 to participate in a mystical experiment many have called the How Weird Project.
Prior to the primitively taboo ceremony, each "parent" took turns overdosing on mescaline while getting jobbed by one armed bandits in the Seminole casino. After this, Howard K Smith circled the wagons, read the weather and performed an autopsy on Anna Nicole Smith's maternal grandmother.
This was followed by the traditional autopsy of Anna Nicole Smith's obstetrician, the marriage of the newborn to Ulysses S. Grant immediately followed by a TV repairman from the Bahamas performing an autopsy on Anna Nicole Smith's unborn son General George Custer.
At this point, Howard Stern was stuffed and mounted, with his testicular fluid inserted into a newly created Howard K. Smith womb, a reproductive organ sewn into the newsman via a transplant from an in-house casino whore named Pocahantas.
It was late November 1968, after the riots, the protests, hippies and the global unrest that a tiny lesbian, Howard K. Stern, was hatched from the Howard K. Smith external genitalia. Proud father, Howard Stern, was present and oddly silent during the delivery, as Nurse Robin Quivers performed autopsies on him and several women cleverly disguised as sexually mature Anna Nicole Smith clones shaking down investment bankers nicknamed Methuselah.
Today, Howard K. Stern is back at that 'ol semen hole, that seminal Seminole Casino on land stolen from savages, now millionaires. So many births, deaths and autopsies have come and gone. And lil 'ol Howie needs something red hot and loaded like Ellen Degeneres without a pre-nup agreement.
Obama: 'Lack of Experience My Greatest Asset,' and Other Whoppers
