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Democrats Use Non-Binding Resolutions to Govern
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"˜007 - The Year All Humans Are Licensed to Kill


UrsulaAndress
Honey Rider smells death in a conch

"007" was synonymous with "license to kill."

That's why James Bond carried that moniker. Now, in "007," the entire world population of humans will also be granted that special title. Given our modern atmosphere of daily horrors, millions will be fulfilling that 007 mission.

Not unexpectedly, most humans will be utilizing that license to put themselves out of the misery the New Year promises for one and all.

The first such event was a Basque celebration at a Madrid Airport bombing site attended by the singer Bono. No one died at the event, sponsored by ETA - Euskadi Ta AskTunafish - the terrorist organization, but the implication was clear: "Kill, kill, kill and be killed" will be the continuous theme for the '007 year. Murders are up in many U.S. cities this year.

"Let's outdo ourselves in '007," the Irish legend screamed to people taking off their shoes at an Iberian Airlines gate. "Mas muerto everyone. I need more causes. Expand genocide so I can have some more massive gatherings around mass graves with Bob Geldoff."

Several in the airport audience swallowed arsenic during his recitation. It was unclear if they did so in response to his jingle, his hideous singing, or because they had been asked by authorities to undergo the necessary "shoe odor air plane pre-boarding ritual" in which dangerous shoes are removed and then smelt by elderly Barcelonian inspectors.

Sean Connery joined in the festivities, flying in from Wales where he was readying himself for a suicide.

"I shaw that Daniel Craig trying to imitate me in that remake of my James Bond movie, Cashino Royale. He was better than I was in the part, sho it was clear it was time for me to go. My shpeech hash been unintelligible for yearsh anyway!"

Van Gross, MD
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Read these related stories:

French Give Bono an Award for Not Being an American (5-Mar-03)

What Are Those Irish Rock Stars Doing to Those Sheep? (17-Jul-02)

Paul O'Neill Tours Africa with Bono (5-Jun-02)

I Finally Get to Meet Bono and Bill Clinton (26-Feb-03)

Bush Fails to Wear Hair Net While Serving Food in Baghdad (3-Dec-03)




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