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Al Gore Says the Planet is on the "˜Highway to Extinction'


fat

LOS ANGELES — Global Warming idiot, Al Gore, has announced that all life forms on the planet will be extinct in 10 years unless the United States cuts greenhouse gas emissions by 20% over the next 5 years.

"The global superhighway is heading in the wrong direction," declared the fat spokesman for gaseous emissions. "But if we act quickly we've got time to turn our cars around and gun the engines in the opposite direction.

"And we should turn on the headlights so we can see the road ahead "¦ even if that does consume more battery power. Just buy more carbon credits!"

"The U.S. must act because China can't do this all by itself," he said. "Did you know that the Chinese are building more coal-fired power stations each year than Britain has in installed capacity?" he said. "It's true! Therefore, the U.S. has to shut down more coal-fired power stations each year than Britain has. It's that simple!

"Why do I have to be the one to come up with all the ideas?

"I live a carbon-neutral life," said Gore, "except for all the burgers I eat."

Emma Dubin
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Read these related stories:

Al Gore Livid at Oscar Night Recount (28-Feb-07)

Compassionate Meat: "˜We Pamper the Cows Until We Slit Their Throats' (1-Nov-06)

Watch Daryl Hannah's Tips "¦ on How to Save the Planet (11-Oct-06)

BP's Green Advertising Campaign: Beyond the Pale (30-Aug-06)

After a Cold Winter, Europe Asks the US to Increase Global Warming (19-Mar-03)




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