BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MAY 23, 2007 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Sweet Law Suit: Equal Sues Splenda


PHILADELPHIA — The maker of artificial sweetener Equal has sued the maker of artificial sweetener Splenda, claiming that Splenda is using false advertising by saying it is made from sugar. Merisant, the manufacturer of Equal, told a federal judge in Philadelphia that Splenda's marketing slogan, "Made from sugar, so it tastes like sugar," is misleading because it makes consumers believe it is a natural form of raw sugar, when it is actually a synthesized chemical.

Apparently, the manufacturing of Splenda begins with a cane sugar molecule, but the manufacturer adds and subtracts molecules to it until there is no sugar left. So making Splenda is like the joke about thinking of a number, adding a number and multiplying and dividing it, and then taking away the number you first thought of.

However, Splenda is harmless because it is either immediately excreted by the body or passively absorbed in the body and eliminated within 24 hours. The FDA concluded that it does not pose a risk to humans. However, Equal (generic name aspartame) is ingested and is required to carry a warning label about the possibility of it causing a genetic disease. The FDA has set the acceptable daily intake of about 17 cans of aspartame-sweetened sodas.

With the judge seeming to be leaning against Splenda, a settlement has been reached out of court.

So will we see a new ad campaign for Splenda, such as: "Sweeteners " they're not all equal."

And what about a new advertising campaign for Equal: "Unlikely to cause genetic disorder unless you ingest a lot."

Julio Cesar

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