Whitney Houston’s Songs Will Live On … In Torture Chambers
LOS ANGELES — As the music industry mourned the death of singer Whitney Houston, experts in torture assured grieving fans of her music that they will continue to use her screeching song, I Will Always Love You, as an instrument of torture.
“When beatings and waterboarding fail to elicit information, we play that song,” said a member of the Syrian government agency in charge of torturing dissidents and political opponents. “When they hear that, they immediately tell us everything.”
“We find the same thing,” said a Chinese official. “Whitney’s annoying sound goes right through your brain. It is so painful, people give in immediately. Her songs will live on ... but the people being tortured may not.”
The Obama Administration said that it had discovered that the Bush Administration had secretly employed Whitney Houston’s songs in terror interrogations of terrorists.
“That was very racist of them,” said Attorney General Eric Holder, who announced an investigation into musical preferences of the Bush era.
“We also played Barry Manilow,” said Dick Cheney, somewhat defensively. “That was effective too.”
