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Dan Rather is Interviewed About His Interview With Saddam Hussein
NEW YORK Aging, left-leaning news anchor, Dan Rather, was interviewed upon his return from Iraq about his interview with the Axis of Evil's Saddam Hussein.
Rather was asked whether he found it difficult to interview so evil a man. "Well," Rather replied, "as they say in Texas, where I'm from incidentally, interviewing Saddam was like talking to a rattlesnake with a hard-on: you don't know whether you're going to get bitten or sodomized."
"Well, thank you for sharing that," said the interviewer, "but what was he really like? I mean, did you get a sense of the man?"
"Sure did," replied Rather. "He smelled like a rattlesnake with a hard-on."
In Baghdad, the nervous reporter asked Saddam some respectful questions. "Your Excellency," he began. "Were you at all nervous -- not that you are ever nervous, no!, oh brave leader and killer of many men -- no, not nervous, maybe anxious -- no!, a thousand pardons, oh mighty applier of chemicals and gasses of a most lethal kind, not anxious -- perhaps a little curious, oh learned teacher of methods of excruciating torture -- yes? no? perhaps just bored? yes! bored! -- being interviewed by a man who became famous by insulting President Nixon, fought publicly with the Axis of Infidels' Bush the Elder, and walked off the set in a huff during a broadcast of the CBS Evening News?"
"Not at all," replied Saddam. "I had given orders to lock the door and for the guards to chop off his head if he made a run for it."
"Very wise, oh potent one and lover of many women," replied the reporter, as he was led away to have his tongue torn out of his mouth, slowly.
Back in the US, Geraldo Rivera was filling air time answering questions about not interviewing Saddam. "Would you have killed Saddam if you had met him?" he was asked.
"No. I said I would kill Osama bin Laden if I ever met him, but I would not have killed Saddam. What do you think I am, some minor TV celebrity pretending to be a homicidal vigilante to seek cheap publicity?"
Meanwhile, a third Iraqi reporter was ushered in to interview Saddam about not being interviewed by Geraldo. "No questions, Excellency."