BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. AUGUST 27, 2003 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Northeast Blackout, the Sobig Virus, and SARS Are All Traced to Ohio
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Osama Seeks Help from The Wizard of Love

wizard of love

Dear The Wiz,
I need to know if you have ever really been in an actual relationship with a female of the same species.
Disgusted in Detroit

Dear Dizzy,
What's it to you?
The Wizard
Oh Mighty Wizard,
Are you a real wizard? If so, I would like to know if I should divorce my camel, or marry several camels at once. My camel and I are still happy together, and we have an OK cave, but we feel that we need to spice up our love life.

Dear Osama,
First off, I don't suppose you could give me the GPS coordinates of your cave? Second, I'm told many American soldiers during desert wars have used camels for sex. But they had the good sense to use them to ride them into town to find REAL WOMEN. May the Prophet short out your dialysis machine.
The Wizard
Dear Wizard of Love,
My husband and I are going out of town and will be leaving our 16 year old son, Orville, home alone for the first time. He wants to have a 15 year old pal, Mandy, stay with him while we are away. He says he will behave and she seems pretty innocent. The question is, just how much could a 15 year old know about sex, and is our Orville safe with her?
Fretting in Fayetteville

Dear Fretter,
If she is like the average 15 year old she probably knows more tricks than Lassie.
The Wizard
Dear Wiz,
What can I do about my body odor problem? I shower three times a day and use all the antiperspirants in the world, but people still tell me I stink.
Reeky Randy

Dear Stinky,
The answer is simple. You just need to move to a country where your body odor will be appreciated, like France.
The Wizard
Deposed despots, Michael Douglas and all other sex addicts, send your requests to the Mighty One. And whoever's sending me that sobig.F virus, f**k off!

Read these related stories:

Advice Column: Ask the Wizard of Love (6-Aug-03)

Wizard of Love Knows Victoria's Secret (20-Aug-03)

More Advice from The Wizard of Love (13-Aug-03)

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