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Mary Carey Drops Out of California Governor's Race to Become Spokesperson for Hummer
LOS ANGELES — Mary Carey, the adult film star running for governor of California (slogan: "Everyone's favorite 'pornivore'"), announced her decision to drop out of the gubernatorial race to become the spokesperson for Hummer vehicles. She said that she had been very disquieted lately by the destructive attacks on these vehicles by the Earth Liberation Front (ELF), and felt that her talents might be put to better use in this new role.
"Hummers have been much maligned, and it's about time someone took a stand to defend this impressive macho machine. While being governor of California would be the fulfillment of my favorite fantasy, reality dictates that I must go where the need is greatest."
She also chastised ELF for its terrorist tactics. "I think that elves could find better things to do with their time than trashing other people's property. Look at the positive example they've set over at Keebler."
A spokesperson for Hummer enthused about the synergistic fit of the macho vehicle and porn actress. "Mary will certainly work to get our side of the story out there to the public and will play a major role in popularizing the Hummer all over the country."
Police Detonate Pizza-Bomber
