Arnold Apologizes For His Past Sexual Performance ... Full story
White House Tries to Find Leaker; "Stop Going in the Potplants, Use the Bathroom" ... Full story
Bum's Rush in Limbaugh Lambaste The media attack Limbaugh... Full story
Nobel "Piece of Ass" Prize goes to Beyoncé Knowles ... Full story
Mafia Threatens Treasury Secretary; New Peach-Colored $20s Too Sissified ... Full story
Reese Witherspoon Proposes Her Own Version of New Colored Money ... Full story
Bush To Lead New 'Rough Riders' to Bag Hussein ... Full story
PETA Protests Use of Mice to Test Bush's Food ... Full story
Gray Davis Wants to Keep Campaign Balloon ... Full story
Recipes of the World - Alaska: Fried Polar Bear Balls Join our world tour of culinary delights... Full story
Professor Thurgood Spanner and His Next World Radio - This Week's Interview: Albert Einstein ... Full story
Comics We'd Like to See: Garbage Field With apologies to Garfield... Full story
Mary Carey Won't Take Her Defeat Lying Down
LOS ANGELES — Mary Carey, the porn actress who ran unsuccessfully for Governor in California's twilight zone recall election, kidded with the press and expressed mild surprise that she didn't win the erection.
"I learned a lot from my campaign for Governor," she gushed, "and I'm looking forward now to resuming my porno career. This campaign has opened things up for me, and I'll be able to choose from a wider range of roles due to my experience."
Displaying her usual charm and a nice pair of double entendres, she confirmed that her agent had received a number of interesting proposals that would capitalize on her broad coverage.
"I'm considering a remake of one of the classics, perhaps 'Deep Vote' or 'Debbie Does Ballots.' I may go on the road with my new rock group, Governor Wannabee and the Well-Hung Chads. You should hear our rendition of 'Ho on the Range.'"
Arnold Apologizes For His Past Sexual Performance
