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Barbara Bush Reveals that George Bush Sr. is Not the Father of Dubya
WASHINGTON, DC — For reasons known only to herself, Barbara Bush this week shockingly disclosed to the President in front of reporters that the President's true father was not George Bush, Sr. but a gardener she had under her employ when the couple was living in Connecticut.
"Mama, quit joking around," said the President.
"I'm not joking," she responded, "and I'm tired of all the excuses I've had to come up with for why you're so slow on the uptake. This is what I get for screwing around with a guy with an IQ of a hand rake."
The reporters, who seemed to be having trouble writing fast enough for the first time in their lives, jumped in and asked what the gardener's name was.
"I'm not telling you that and he's passed on anyhow," said Mrs. Bush. "He drank his silly ass to death, if you must know. The only good thing I will say about him was he was great in the sack, which is what I needed at the time. George Sr. was always away with his oil buddies leaving me to sit around and do nothing. What was I supposed to do? Besides, he was kind of cute. He used to call me 'Millie.' I don't know why. That's why I ended up giving our dog that name, by the way."
By this time the President had managed to summon the Secret Service to escort his mother away from the reporters. "She's just pulling your leg, honest. You're not going to print any of that, are you?"
Bush Announces Fantasy Reconstruction League for Iraq
