BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. OCTOBER 29, 2003 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
» back issues

» search site

best of
bongo news

sponsored links

Barbara Bush Reveals that George Bush Sr. is Not the Father of Dubya
He's a bastard... Full story

DC Sniper Chooses Family Circus Defense
... Full story

CIA Releases Possible Disguises for Bin Laden
... Full story

Bush Shocks Leaders at APEC Summit
... Full story

Jessica Simpson Discovers that "Chicken of the Sea" is Not Chicken
... Full story

Kobe "Possessed by Devil," Just Wants to Play Basketball
... Full story

France Hit by Bowling Craze
... Full story

Recipes of the World - Zimbabwe: Leg of Lion
Join our world tour of culinary delights... Full story

Professor Thurgood Spanner and His Next World Radio - This Week's Interview: Nicole Simpson
... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: In Heat Cliff
With apologies to Heathcliff... Full story

Bush Announces Fantasy Reconstruction League for Iraq

bush basketball

WASHINGTON, DC — To get the American public more involved in supporting reconstruction in Iraq, President Bush, a former owner of the Texas Rangers baseball team, announced that the government is encouraging citizens to join a Fantasy Reconstruction League.

"It seemed to me that the American people were not identifying with the plight of the Iraqis and were focusing too much on domestic issues," he said. "While watching Monday night football, it came to me in a flash - use sports to bring the country together and get people involved. The Fantasy Reconstruction League seemed like a natural. Thousands of loyal Americans spend hours each season drafting teams, trading players, working out starting lineups, avoiding reality - and they love it."

A White House spokesperson explained that interested players could log on to a special web site where they can form teams and be given a hypothetical $87 billion to put together a roster of companies and countries to help in rebuilding Iraq.

Teams will get points for the number of soldiers sent from the country that they've drafted, any money pledged to the effort from that country, whether or not that head of state has been to Camp David, and if so, extra points are given if the head of state had a nickname bestowed by the president. Other point awards will be announced as the game progresses.

The President issued a hint to would-be fantasy leaguers, "Remember, no points will be awarded to any team that picks France or Germany."

According to an unnamed White House insider, accruing points may be an exercise in futility. "No matter how many points a team racks up, the reality in this fantasy league is that the team that had the foresight to draft Halliburton will win by default."


Read these related stories:

personal ad
of the week
Kobe Bryant

Subscribe to Bongo News

Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed