BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JANUARY 28, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
» back issues

» search site

best of
bongo news

sponsored links

Martha Stewart Appears in Court in Sackcloth and Ashes
... Full story

Garfunkel Was Feeling Groovy
... Full story

George Harrison Guitar Case Settled; New Row Over Necrophilia Claim
... Full story

Iran Holds Sand Castle Competition to Rebuild Bam
... Full story

Bush Wants Captain Kangaroo Buried with Full Military Honors
... Full story

America Mesmerized by Dean's Knowledge of States, State Flowers and Area Codes
... Full story

Dean Breaks Out Guitar to do Vietnam Era Protest Songs
... Full story

Bush Presidency May Never End
... Full story

Nicole Kidman Asks the Wizard of Love
You can ask the Wizard anything... Full story

The Adventures of Abdul and Hasim. Chapter 8: The Wake Up Call
... Full story

College Majors
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Kerry Reflects on the Campaign So Far

kerry dean

MANCHESTER, New Hampshire — After his strong defeat of Howard Dean in the Iowa caucuses and now beating him in the New Hampshire primaries like a rented mule, Senator John Kerry, took a moment to reflect on how he feels his campaign is progressing so far.

"We are pretty much seeing what kind of men these guys really are, as things start to get tough," he said. "I saw a lot of the same kind of thing in Vietnam, some gung-ho Louie from West Point would chopper in and tell us how he was going to show us how to win the war in two weeks. A firefight or two later the same chopper was taking him Stateside in a happy suit while all he could do was keep yelling, 'Yehaa!' There are just some guys that crack under pressure, that's all."

Asked if he was referring to his opponent Howard Dean's sanity Kerry demurred. "Hey, I'm only telling you my war time experiences but, if I were his staff, I would keep a close eye on the guy. I mean, his wife is a doctor and she hasn't been with the campaign for six months. Suddenly last week she shows up! Somebody must have dropped her a dime and said you better get out here, tout sweet, we think his coconut is wobbling off the palm tree! And this guy wants to lead our country? He runs a nice web site and that's all! And there's 10,000 porn guys better at THAT than he is, for that matter!

Mike Pasternack

Read these related stories:

personal ad
of the week

Subscribe to Bongo News

Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed