BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JANUARY 28, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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The Adventures of Abdul and Hasim. Chapter 8: The Wake Up Call

abdulhasim header

By Mike Pasternack
The story so far:
Abdul and Hasim are two Al Qaeda f**k-ups sent to the United States to scout for targets. When we last left the boys they were being visited by two ladies of questionable repute sent up to entertain them by their good friend, Rudy the bellhop. Trixie and Bambi had both attempted to liven up the party and ease the pain in Abdul's nose by applying Aunt Bambi' Famous Marching Powder. We join them the next morning. (You're a moron unless you click on the links below to read the story from the beginning.)
(sleepily): Hello? ... Who? ... Wha? ... Hold on a minute ... Hey " Heyyy!! Wake up! ... I think someone wants to talk to you.
Abdul: Wassa ... who?
Trixie: He says he's your Uncle or something. He sure does yell a lot!
Abdul: Aiyee! Brother wake up quick! Uncle is on the phone!
Hasim: Ohhh shit, tell me I am dreaming!
Trixie (into phone): Would you hold your horses for Christ's sake, we're just getting up here!
Hasim (reaching desperately): Hand me the phone!
Hasim: Hellooo, Uncle ... No, No, No .., Ah, the cleaning lady! ... Yes, she was just making up our beds. No, No, No. Everything is fine.
Bambi: Is that Rudy? Order up some Bloody Marys.
Hasim: No, No, No. They work in pairs here.
Abdul: I think I'm going to be sick (heads for bathroom).
Hasim: No, his nose is all better now. Alright, I'm listening ...Yes Uncle ...Yes, Uncle " I see Uncle ... We will do as you say, Uncle. Goodbye Uncle ... Whew!
Trixie: Who the hell was that!
Hasim: Uncle.
Trixie: No shit! I figured that out all on my lonesome. He certainly has you boys shaking in your boots!
Hasim: My Uncle is a very um " er " powerful man.
Trixie: Groovy! Maybe we'll get a chance to meet him sometime?
Hasim: (Oh sweet Allah) Maybe.
Abdul: (staggering back from the bathroom) I'm afraid to ask. What did he say?
Hasim (coolly) ; Oh nothing much. He wants us to go on a sightseeing trip to Washington, DC. He thinks it would expand our education. He would like us to leave as soon as possible.
Bambi: Gee! That sounds like fun! Can we come too!
Trixie: Yeah! Rudy said you boys needed someone to show you around!
Hasim: No, No, No. My Uncle insisted that we travel by bus and you girls would hate that.
Trixie: Why by bus?
Hasim: Oh, I don't know, he's just very protective of us and thinks they are safer.
Abdul (whispering): You know, Hasim, they would make good cover.
Hasim (whispering back): You are just thinking of their ample breasts!
Abdul (still whispering): Well, so what if I am?
Trixie and Bambi: What are you two whispering about?
Abdul and Hasim: Let's ALL GO TO WASHINGTON.

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