BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MARCH 3, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Mel Gibson to Remake "Fiddler on the Roof" with a Catholic Theme
Gibson denies anti-Semitic tendencies... Full story

Cameron Diaz Flashes a Breast on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno
If it's good enough for Janet Jackson... Full story

Best Breasts at Academy Awards
... Full story

Wine Review: New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc Has Taste of Berries, Citrus and Sheep's Balls
Jack Palethorpe reviews Kiwi wine... Full story

Dick Cheney is Put to Sleep
After the Bush dog, Spot, is put down... Full story

Kerry Says Bush is "Late" on Haiti But Was "Too Early" on Iraq
... Full story

Lost Patrol: The True Story of the Alabama National Guard
The mystery of "Where was George Bush?" is solved... Full story

Laura Bush Cannot Remember Seeing Dubya at Their Wedding Ceremony
... Full story

Woman Reports Neighbor for Loud Sex
... Full story

Banner Ads We'd Like To See: YourTime
... Full story

Mrs. Mel Gibson Asks the Wizard of Love
You can ask the Wizard anything... Full story

The Adventures of Abdul and Hasim. Chapter 13: Cousin Nasir Brings Gifts
... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Boxtrot 2
With apologies to Foxtrot... Full story

Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Mel Gibson to Remake "Fiddler on the Roof" with a Catholic Theme

HOLLYWOOD — Mel Gibson, flush with success from a box office of Biblical proportions for The Passion of the Christ, is making another pro-Catholic, anti-Jewish movie, this time a remake of Fiddler on the Roof.

Tevye, the Jewish dairyman, played in the 1964 Broadway play by Zero Mostel and in the 1971 movie by Chaim Topol, will be recast in Gibson's movie as a Catholic accountant, and will be played by James Gandolfini. His five disobedient daughters will not want to go to Mass and will want to marry a Jew, a Protestant, a Muslim, a Hindu and a Confucian, but there will be a happy ending when they marry five, wealthy Catholic boys in a church wedding.

The song "Matchmaker" will be rewritten as "Mass Taker," and "If I Were a Rich Man" will be rewritten as "If I Were a Mafia Don."

Also in the works is a Gibson remake of Schindler's List, portraying Schindler as a good Catholic paying fair wages to lazy Polish Jews working in his factory, with the Nazis taking some workers away for skills training to adapt to the new global economy. The holocaust will be downplayed, with the emotional focus being on the agony of Catholics being denied initiation into Protestant Freemason rituals.

Emma Dubin

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