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Mel Gibson to Remake "Fiddler on the Roof" with a Catholic Theme
HOLLYWOOD Mel Gibson, flush with success from a box office of Biblical proportions for The Passion of the Christ, is making another pro-Catholic, anti-Jewish movie, this time a remake of Fiddler on the Roof.
Tevye, the Jewish dairyman, played in the 1964 Broadway play by Zero Mostel and in the 1971 movie by Chaim Topol, will be recast in Gibson's movie as a Catholic accountant, and will be played by James Gandolfini. His five disobedient daughters will not want to go to Mass and will want to marry a Jew, a Protestant, a Muslim, a Hindu and a Confucian, but there will be a happy ending when they marry five, wealthy Catholic boys in a church wedding.
The song "Matchmaker" will be rewritten as "Mass Taker," and "If I Were a Rich Man" will be rewritten as "If I Were a Mafia Don."
Also in the works is a Gibson remake of Schindler's List, portraying Schindler as a good Catholic paying fair wages to lazy Polish Jews working in his factory, with the Nazis taking some workers away for skills training to adapt to the new global economy. The holocaust will be downplayed, with the emotional focus being on the agony of Catholics being denied initiation into Protestant Freemason rituals.