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Cry-Baby Canadian Figure Skaters Awarded Duplicate Gold Medals
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Cry-Baby Canadian Figure Skaters Awarded Duplicate Gold Medals


SALT LAKE CITY — The Canadian pairs figure skating team, after losing the short program to the Russian pair by 7 votes to 2, and doing a 3-year old routine in the long program, cried foul and cried their eyes out when they lost the long program, 5 votes to 4, and were awarded a silver medal.

There followed a noisy protest by the untrained, partisan audience, unseemly side-taking by NBC commentators, and an admission by a judge that she had been pressured to vote for the Russians (and a largely-ignored statement by the judge that the pressure did not affect her vote).

The IOC, lacking any credibility when it comes to doping, bribery and other scandals, promptly awarded duplicate gold medals to the Canadians.

Later, the IOC also announced that, in future, figure skating would be judged by new criteria. An audience Applausometer will replace the Technical scoring by judges, and the Artistic scoring will be replaced by the amount of crying, whining and hyperventilating shown by those coming in second.


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