BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MAY 5, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Top 10 List for John Kerry's Running Mate
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US Brings Modern Torture Techniques to Iraqi Prisons
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Bush and Cheney Put on a Puppet Show for 9/11 Commission

bush puppet
WASHNIGTON, DC — Vice President Dick Cheney met with the 9/11 Commission Thursday and brought along his favorite puppet, wowing the Commission with his performance.

Head of the Committee, Tom Keane, was especially impressed. "It's amazing how he does that!" said Keane. "We challenged him with our most difficult questions and dared him to get President Bush to answer while Dick drank a glass of water. Bush answered all our questions with only a slight slur on the words "backfired,' "unforeseeable,' and the phrase, "sh*t happens.'"

Only Vice Chairman of the Committee, Lee Hamilton, and Bob Kerrey seemed unimpressed with the performance. Both left in the middle of the act, with Hamilton heard saying, "Sherry Lewis and Lambchop were better," but most of the Committee gave high marks for the pair, and the audience went away happy.

Even Tom Roemer, a Democrat, conceded that he didn't expect to enjoy himself so much. "I'd like to see it again sometime!" he said. "Condoleezza was a bore compared to this. I especially like the part when Cheney gave him a cigar and got Bush to actually blow smoke at us."

Cheney wouldn't discuss scheduling another performance, saying, "President Bush and I have to get back to work running the country."

Mike Pasternack

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