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Top 10 List for John Kerry's Running Mate
... Full story

US Brings Modern Torture Techniques to Iraqi Prisons
... Full story

Iraq Back in Axis of Evil; US Loses Spot in Axis of Good
... Full story

Bush to Nation: "I'm the Real Chainee -- He's the Chainer"
... Full story

Withdrawal of Dominican Republic Troops Jeopardizes American Effort in Iraq
... Full story

Woodward Fecally Implodes on C-SPAN
... Full story

Mary J. Blige is Having Ed Bradley's Child
... Full story

Queer Eye for Jack Palethorpe
The Fab Five try to give Jack a “makeover”... Full story

Top 10 Things Not to Say on a First Date, by the Wizard of Love
Expert advice from the experienced Wizard... Full story

Save a Virgin
... Full story

Gangsters and Gun Molls: Ralph Nader
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Carl's Letters: There Should be a Constitutional Amendment Against Bonobo Chimps
Instead of fighting, they have sex... Full story

I Came First
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Bush and Cheney Put on a Puppet Show for 9/11 Commission


bush puppet
WASHNIGTON, DC — Vice President Dick Cheney met with the 9/11 Commission Thursday and brought along his favorite puppet, wowing the Commission with his performance.

Head of the Committee, Tom Keane, was especially impressed. "It's amazing how he does that!" said Keane. "We challenged him with our most difficult questions and dared him to get President Bush to answer while Dick drank a glass of water. Bush answered all our questions with only a slight slur on the words "backfired,' "unforeseeable,' and the phrase, "sh*t happens.'"

Only Vice Chairman of the Committee, Lee Hamilton, and Bob Kerrey seemed unimpressed with the performance. Both left in the middle of the act, with Hamilton heard saying, "Sherry Lewis and Lambchop were better," but most of the Committee gave high marks for the pair, and the audience went away happy.

Even Tom Roemer, a Democrat, conceded that he didn't expect to enjoy himself so much. "I'd like to see it again sometime!" he said. "Condoleezza was a bore compared to this. I especially like the part when Cheney gave him a cigar and got Bush to actually blow smoke at us."

Cheney wouldn't discuss scheduling another performance, saying, "President Bush and I have to get back to work running the country."

Mike Pasternack
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Read these related stories:

Bush Team Targets Heavy Ejaculators (28-Apr-04)

John Kerry Admits He is Trying Desperately to Copy John F. Kennedy (4-Jun-03)

Bush Joke About WMD Wins Satire Award (31-Mar-04)

Separated at Birth: Gollum and James Carville (1-Jan-03)



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