BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MAY 5, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Top 10 List for John Kerry's Running Mate
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Queer Eye for Jack Palethorpe

Queer Eye guys Jai Rodriguez and Carson Kressly
By our Movie Critic and Party Animal, Jack Palethorpe

I went to the American Image Awards at the Grand Hyatt hotel in New York this week to try to get up close and personal with Sharon Stone, who was being honored with the Spirit of Woman Award. Ever since Basic Instinct, she's been my epitome of women's spirit.

The emcee for the black tie event was the usually annoying Kelly Ripa, who's been the subject of a couple of Bongo News' articles previously. She was a lot less shrieky than she can be and did a good job as emcee, especially when she opened with a statement, in Sharon's honor, that she was not wearing any underwear that night.

What I didn't know was that, as well as honoring Sharon Stone, the event was honoring Oscar de la Renta, Kenneth Cole, the Bergdorf Goodman department store, and "The Fab Five" from Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.

Just when I got up close to Sharon, who was looking incredibly good and seemed intrigued by my appearance (I'm tall, dark and, dare I say, handsome, and was looking good in my tux with a black shirt and no tie), I was intercepted by Carson Kressly, the outspoken fashion guru from Queer Eye. I didn't know whether to be flattered or not, or for what! Did he NOT like my open black shirt? Did he NOT like my hair?? Did he want to make me over??? Or did he LIKE me???!

Carson and another Queer Eye guy, Jai Rodriquez, the culture vulture, had me cornered at the edge of the dance floor between the security guys for Sharon, a table full of ugly fashion industry business people, and themselves. Thinking quickly, I shouted, "Let's dance!" and did a fake towards the dance floor and, as they spun around and started sashaying towards the band, I bolted for the exit and ran out onto rainy 42nd Street.

I still think my outfit looked cool.


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