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www.bongonews.com NOVEMBER 10, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2010 Bongo News, Inc.
   
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in other news

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Hillary Discovers She is a Born-Again Christian


hillary clinton
NEW YORK — Hillary Clinton has discovered that she is a born-again Christian.

“I was studying the polling data and analyzing the election results,” said Hillary, “when it came to me: I’m not part-Jewish, I’m a Southern Baptist, and a born-again one at that!

“While I grew up in Chicago, my seemingly all-white parents were in fact part white, part African American, part Hispanic, part American Indian, and not at all French. I hadn’t discovered that until now.

“Bill Clinton thought I was Jewish because I wouldn’t have sex with him. And while I’m not Jewish, except when I’m in Broward County or Manhattan, I’m pro-Israel. I want to kill and capture terrorists. And torture them!

“Of course, I oppose abortion – I always have, secretly – and I want there to be a litmus test for Supreme Court judges. I favor a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage. If that hurts some people who are close to me, so be it. I’m also pro-gun. In fact, I’m going to go out and buy a gun right now!”

“I have always been a Yankee fan. After the American League Championship, I discovered that I have always been a Red Sox fan too! Isn’t it amazing! But I want the good people of St. Louis to know that I have always been a Cardinals fan as well!”

Emma Dubin
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