BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. DECEMBER 29, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Bongo News' Man of the Year for 2004 is SpongeBob SparePants
... Full story

Bongo News' Woman of the Year for 2004 is Paris Hilton
... Full story

Why Santa Was Late on Christmas Night
... Full story

Bush Diary "“ Playing Hyde and Seek; Rummy Visits Troops
... Full story

Al Gorenko Disputes Ballots in Southern Ukraine
... Full story

Bush Ancestor Went AWOL During the Crusades
... Full story

Yoko Ono Appointed Spokesperson for New Chemical Castration Drug
... Full story

Robert Blake's Rice Krispies
... Full story

Church of St. Kitty
... Full story

Bud Selig Announces a New Curse
The curse of the Bambini is lifted, but watch out for... Full story

Robot Fighter: Jay Leno
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Doonesbury Blowjob
With apologies to Doonesbury... Full story

Car Talk
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Best of Bongo News 2004
... Full story

Jean Dicksin's Predictions for 2005

jean dicksin
By Mike Pasternack

Snoop Doggy Dog will run for governor of New Jersey with the campaign slogan, "Sh*t man, at least I'm not gay!"

Jennifer Lopez will divorce and remarry again, this time to her orthodontist, announcing, "I need some dental work."

Donald Rumsfeld will resign when it is discovered that he had his maid sign all his letters to dead servicemen's families.

John Madden will be arrested for violating the Mann Act because he transported the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders across state lines.

Oliver Stone announces his next movie will be Jason Alexander the Great.

Cereal in Wheaties' boxes depicting Barry Bonds on the front will be found to contain steroids.

A basketball game will break out in the middle of a heavyweight boxing match.

Ben Affleck will star in the new bio-pic, The Life and Times of Peewee Herman.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be impeached as California governor after a video of him is found on the internet showing Arnold as the meat in a three-way sandwich with Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie.

President Bush will announce his new slogan at his inauguration, "It's not like Vietnam, honest!"

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